South Carolina

It's been a crazy week already since we returned home from our trip to South Carolina.  I came home fully intending to post about the wonderful time we had, but with all the catching up around here, it just got away from me.

Erin and I travelled, along with our husbands (Tobey and Tim) and pastor's wife/friend, Lisa, to speak at Legacy Outreach in Spartanburg.  Even before Erin and I told her story through the platform of this blog, we have had a passion to speak into the lives of women about being free from bondage.  Both of us can agree that when we see where we once were, and where we are today, how could we not want to tell the world about this life-changing experience we've had with our Friend, Jesus.

The trip there and back was full of laughter (thanks to our husbands and their renditions of all things bluegrass, 80's country and the Christian Hymnal) and heartfelt conversation (Erin, Lisa and I).

We arrived at the home of Brian and Malyn (Malyn is our pastor's daughter), where Tim and I, along with Lisa, stayed for the weekend.  Tobey and Erin were hosted by Pastor Manning and his wife, Ann.

The next day, Pastor Manning and Ann, spoiled us with a trip to the Biltmore House.  I love stuff like that (minus the breathtaking heights of the stairway and friends (Erin) pretending to ride the banister down) so the trip there was a real treat!

On Sunday, Erin and I spoke to the wonderful people of Legacy where we shared our personal journeys of bondage to freedom.  At the end of the service, my heart was overwhelmed at the beauty of the many souls giving their chains of unforgiveness, bitterness and anger to Jesus in exchange for the warmth of a joy-filled life.

Who are we

That You would be mindful of us

What do You see

That's worth looking our way

We are free 

In ways that we never should be

Sweet release

From the grip of these chains

Like hinges straining from the weight

My heart no longer 

Can keep from singing

All that is within me cries

For You alone

Be glorified

Emmanuel

God with us!

-MercyMe

Tobey, Erin, Brian, Malyn, myself & Tim

Titus2Woman: Rosa

Rosa Chupp has been more of an inspiration and encouragement to me than she knows.  While family ties have given us a common bond, it has been only the past several years that our relationship has gotten closer.

I wish every woman could have a Rosa in their life.  She is a constant source of encouraging words, prayer support and example of the kind warrior for God that I want to be.   Her faith is unwavering as is her willingness to listen to a God who speaks.  

I've been blessed by Rosa's phone calls, emails and chats over a cup of coffee.  She reflects God in a way that I find refreshing and delightful.  Today, I asked Rosa to share her heart in the Titus2Woman series.  Here's what she had to say:

I grew up Amish.  I have hundreds of cousins, lots of relatives, and I speak Swiss fluently.  We communicate easily at reunions and such.  I am ever so grateful for the work ethics I learned from my Amish background.  We didn’t have much but we were appreciative of what we did have and respecting others was also a part of our way of life.  Alcohol became a problem in our home and caused a lot of pain and difficulty.  Even so, my past and the choices I’ve made are the things that have made me who I am today.

When I was a young girl, about seven, my family moved to Michigan after the death of my father where we attended the Mennonite church.  My mother became a born-again, on-fire Christian at a Full Gospel meeting.  Life was changing.  Mom really changed.  She became a prayer warrior and I learned how to pray over the years just by watching her.  In her later life, she married again and I had a wonderful stepdad too.

Rosa as a young girl

I met my husband at the church.  We went to the youth meetings but there was really no interest in each other until one night when a girlfriend and I went “tooling” in an old International pickup loaded with firewood.  As we tooled around town, I saw a 66 Chevelle Supersport that I recognized.  It was Randy.  He had that car jacked up and it was really sharp!  We sped up and caught him at a red light.  I leaned out the window and yelled out to him.  He said to meet him at the Plaza parking lot.  There he asked me to ride around with him for a while and then meet back with my girlfriend later.   But later, my friend was nowhere to be found so Randy took me home.  That night we sat on our dining room floor playing 45 RPM Supreme Singles until 4 AM.  This past August, of that year we were married and I have been Mrs. Chupp for forty years now.



An interesting side note about my husband – Randall Ray Chupp was born in a garage in Ethiopia where his parents were serving on the mission field.

I worked for the Centreville school for a little over twenty-eight years.  I retired a year from this past May.

Our first child was Rodney Dale.  He was adorable but was colicky and developed many allergies that caused bronchitis and pneumonia many times.  One of those times, we almost lost him.  I took him to the doctor.  The doctor told me there was nothing wrong with him and that I was just a new Mom and over worried.  I knew he was very sick and said I would not take him home like that so the doctor sent us over to the hospital.  My baby stopped breathing there. They got him breathing again and sent him to Kalamazoo in a special care unit vehicle with a doctor and me.  To me, Rod is my miracle baby. 

Rod, Tammy, Christopher, Rebecca and Justus

He has continued to have to deal with allergies throughout his life but he is victorious.  He married Tammy Nusbaum and they have a wonderful family.  Rod is part owner of Chupp Insurance along with his Dad.  They also own Sturgis Auto Wash.  Tammy is an RN and works at Maxim Healthcare.  Their first child, Daniel, died at 13 months due to an accident with a vehicle.  That was the hardest trial we’ve ever gone through as a family.  God’s grace has been sufficient.

Their next child is Christopher.  He is sixteen, a junior in high school, taking pre-college classes and he works at Chupp Insurance whenever he has a break from school.  He has a heart for the Lord and compassion for others and he is extremely handsome and special to his grandparents.

Their next child came as a beautiful little girl with gorgeous blue eyes.  She is Rebecca, age fourteen. She is an outstanding young girl that is capable of cooking, baking, cleaning, etc…  And she has a love for God.  She loves to go shopping with Grandma and enjoys have a special coffee with her.  The older she gets the more beautiful she becomes, inside and out.

Justus is their third child.  His is twelve, a sixth grader and a jack-of-all-trades.  Justus can just figure things out.  He’s a delight to have around, handsome, helpful, and a deep thinker too.  He likes to cook and is a people person.  He also likes to spend time with his grandparents and we all enjoy him.

All three children are involved in sports and they love it.  Their parents are proud of them.  Rod has a wonderful family.

Our daughter, Raushell Rose, was born about five and a half years after Rod.  Shelly was a beautiful baby.  Her affliction was ear infection of which she had many.  She was on meds a lot.  I wore cute little bonnets on her a lot to protect her ears.  As she grew older, she outgrew the ear infections.  She was a soft-hearted, sensitive and happy child and has grown into soft-hearted, sensitive, and happy woman.  

Shelly and Matt

As a youth, she and her brother were very active in youth group at church.  Consequently, the youth were at our home a lot.  Rod and Shelly were always close in spite of a few years age difference.  We have been a close family.

Shelly is married to Matt Gingerich – a match made in heaven, and they are very happy with their dog Stewart.  Shelly is a supervisor at Grace Health Care where she is putting her RN to good use.  Matt is part-owner of Five Star Investments.

When the children were little, we didn’t have many costly outings.  On Sunday afternoons we would often go to the Three Rivers Park.  We would take bread and popcorn along and feed the animals.   Another thing we liked to do was go to the lake and at home I used to have picnics with them in our front yard under a big tree.  Those were happy times.

The Chupp Family

My goal as a young mother was to do what’s best for my children.  To me, that meant serving the Lord.  My husband and I were not on the same page though.  Happy times became hard times when my husband was drawn away.  He was a truck driver and his interests were being drawn away from me and the family.  It was a devastating time for me.  I was a leader of women’s meetings at church.  I was involved in other things there and at the same time feeling like a failure and a hypocrite.  I was teaching others, but my own life was falling apart.

I sought help from my pastor and his wife.  It was humbling.  He advised me to stay involved and keep doing what I was doing.  I kept things up with the children the best I could.  I never talked negative or bad to them about their father.  I wanted them to respect him.   I often prayed that God would protect them from any memories that would harm them.  I had some godly friends that helped me too, still, life was hard at that time.

My husband didn’t want counseling so I went alone and got it for myself.  Eventually, after some deeply serious conversations, he decided he would get counseling too.  It was not easy.  I learned that before healing can take place, there had to be forgiveness.  That is not easy either, but it is a choice that I made.

I also learned that communication is necessary.  Communication does not mean I have to know every detail, it means we must understand each other.  It was explained to me that knowing more painful details would not be beneficial.  It took months and months of counseling to get through that time.

We were advised to have a date night once a week.  That was hard too, but we did it and still do.  It’s not hard anymore!  A date night does not mean doing something that costs money necessarily.  It’s about spending time together.

Another choice we were advised was to make was to pray together.  That doesn’t come naturally either but it eventually brings an intimacy into your life.  We still pray together.

The enemy had a plan to end our marriage and affect our children.  Through choices, getting counseling, following advice, and being willing to humble ourselves, God restored our marriage and kept our family whole.

When I look back I just want to give thanks for the pastors who are truly shepherds and give godly advice to families in trouble.  I also had Godly friends and family members that stood with me and helped me go God’s way.  If I were to give advice, I would say that the choices you make will determine your future.  Choose God’s way.

What the enemy means for evil, God means for good.

Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

Today our children are grown and strong in the Lord.  They are involved in their church, their communities, and they love God and family with all their hearts.  We have come through the empty nest syndrome with joy.  We have a wonderful marriage, we communicate, we support each other, we serve God together, and we laugh a lot.  Praise God!

Randy and Rosa today

********

If you are struggling in your marriage, email Rosa and I.  We would love to pray for you!

I Am Not SuperMom!

When I was little, I always knew that if I had a problem, there was one person who could fix anything!  And I do mean ANYTHING!  Whether it was the chain on my bike or a broken toy Dad could fix it.

Fixing stuff is my dad’s forte.  His ability impresses me and to this day Tim and I know that we can call Dad if we need helping fixing stuff.  I remember the times though, when the problems were greater than even my dad could correct.  I found myself in unfamiliar territory and I didn’t like it.

With kids of my own, I now find myself in my dad’s shoes.  My children bring all manner of items to me, asking me to “fix it”.  Between twistie ties, super glue and a little ingenuity, I do alright, but yesterday Kobe discovered my secret.  I am not SuperMom!  There are some things out there that, even I, cannot fix.

Kobe and I - before he discovered my lack of super powers

I think I had him fooled!  I really do!   But when he asked me to call the TV people and request that they play a show about wolves... cause he wanted to watch a show about wolves... today... like, right now, I had nothin’!  

I was willing to read to him about wolves... or find interesting pictures on google... but call the TV people?  That I couldn’t do.

I don’t even know TV people!  And even if I did, I knew it was unlikely that I could convince them to interrupt their regularly scheduled programs to bring us an important message about... wolves.

It took a little convincing, but he finally believed me.  I couldn’t make wolves appear magically on TV.

While trying to distract him with cars, roads and ramps, I thanked my Heavenly Father for being the greatest of all Fix-it Super Heroes.  

What I loved about Kobe’s request is that he had the faith that I could fix his problem.  I love that simple faith - I want that simple faith.  I want to lose the cynicism that comes with age.  Instead, I want to go back to that place of asking with wide-eyed innocence.  To have a simple faith that leads me to the feet of Jesus when faced with difficulties.   Unlike myself, God’s resources are abundant.  His wisdom, amazing.  His generosity, beyond my wildest dreams.

South Carolina, Here We Come!

This morning has been a busy morning.  My day looks like a busy day!  The pile of laundry in my basement looks depressing, my "to-do" list is longer than I'd like, but every time I look out my window, the weather out there makes me happy!  You read that right!  I said "happy!"

No, I'm not experiencing brain-freeze.  I'm excited because tomorrow I get to leave this frozen tundra for a warmer place - if only for the weekend!

Erin (from the Eve stories) and I will be speaking at Legacy Outreach in Spartanburg, South Carolina this Sunday morning.  If you are in the area, come on over!  We'd love to see ya!  

Email me, if you would like more information.

Elizabeth's Song

Several weeks ago I posted about my sister-in-law's miscarriage.  Out of that heartbreak, Elizabeth wrote a song.  Later, she was able to share it with our church one Sunday morning.

Several of you have asked to hear the song and here is the video of that morning.  You'll get to hear her testimony as well!

While you're checking out all these links, hop over to this one and read the miscarriage story of a wonderful woman named Esther.  I know you'll be blessed!

A Wasteland of Ruins

Do you ever look back?  Back at all the twists and turns of this road we call life?  God has shown me this past year, how important it is to look back occasionally.  Not with a longing for what’s been left behind (like Lot’s wife), but rather for a reminder of our personal story of redemption.

By looking back, we not only find ourselves in awe of a God who loves us so… so passionately, but we can also use those stories to encourage others.  That’s what my friends, Bryan and Jenny, have done and today the three of us have worked together to help tell their story (from Bryan's point of view).

Bryan and I grew up going to school together and he was like a fourth brother to me.  This past year of he and Jenny’s lives have been amazing to watch.  Theirs is a story – not about religion, but about finding a relationship the One Who offers to exchange a life that is worthless for one filled with hope and joy.

If you or someone you know is at a place where your marriage seems hopeless, read this.  It is an amazing example of what God wants to do with broken lives.

A Wasteland of Ruins

It was 2005 when Jenny was first diagnosed with Bi-Polar.  That was the beginning of... well, almost the end. The effects it had on Jenny physically and mentally were devastating. Jenny felt that she had lost her identity, and that her old "self" was lost. She was ashamed and embarrassed. She didn't want anyone to know. She had to leave her job since she felt she was no longer useful.  She thought of herself as being a drain to the company - unable to perform productively. At the time she was angry at God for allowing this to happen to her. It took a long time for Jenny to finally accept her diagnosis.

The Bi Polar was hard on our marriage, and it affected every aspect of our lives. I had to apply for FMLA time at work to be able to help care for Jenny. After a couple of months, I ended up losing my job. The costs of Jenny’s medications were astronomical without insurance, thus adding more stress to our struggling marriage. I didn't think it could get much worse.  Instead of turning to God as I knew I should, I just dove deeper into a bottle, trying to numb the stress through my addiction to alcohol.

As our lives continued spiraling downhill, we were faced with yet another devastation.  A former friend of mine began telling Jenny that I was cheating on her.  She didn’t believe him at first, but over time he was able to break down her trust in me.  In the end, he convinced her that the best way to retaliate was by having an affair with him. 

The damage an affair has on a marriage and family is indescribable.  I lost all of my self-esteem, my self-worth.  My trust and respect for Jenny was gone.   She, on the other hand, was filled with guilt and shame.  She felt betrayed knowing he had taken advantage of her at a weak time in her life.  Not only that, she felt hatred towards herself for being, as she called it, “stupid enough to believe his lies”.

As she struggled with her private pain, I struggled with mine.  I lost all trust for others and began to build walls of self-defense in an effort to block every one out of my life on a personal level.  I couldn't trust anyone and I felt betrayed and alone.  My anger raged inside me, and the only thing that kept me from doing what I instantly wanted to do, was God intervening.  He kept reminding me of my boys and that killing that guy – or even hurting him, was not worth the risk of losing my boys.  

I thank God still that He was intervening even then in the midst of all of our sin. He had a plan for us and He was laying the ground work through all of this, to bring us back to Him! Looking back, I can't believe the grip my alcoholism had on me and I continually sought comfort in it instead of God.

In the meantime, Jenny continued to struggle.  As the burden of guilt and shame began to weigh her down, so did the pain from the realization that her actions had had a profound impact on our kids, our family and our friends.   She didn't realize the pain would ripple through all aspects of our lives like the tidal wave of a tsunami. 

We look back now and see two people who had little to live for.  Our world had crumbled into a wasteland of ruins.  We had hit bottom.

********

I knew all along what we needed to do, I had turned my back on God since I was 18 years old, yet even after all the sin we had committed, God didn't give up on us!  It was while living in that wasteland of devastation and despair that God came knocking.  Out of the blue, my two childhood friends, Tobey Schwartz and Joel Troyer began inviting me to go to church with them.  At first I turned them down, but eventually their persistence paid off.  I’ll never forget the first time I entered that building.  The Spirit of God overwhelmed me when I walked through those doors for the first time.  It was as if He ran to embrace me, His prodigal son, as He welcomed me to a new life of hope and joy. 

It was January 23, 2011 when I rededicated my life to God.  My life had been redeemed!!  I was able to let go of my hurt and anger and in my relationship with Jesus, I found peace like I had never experienced before.

I began begging God to work in Jenny’s life - to save her also from the chains that the devil had us bound in for so many years!  I wanted this redemption and freedom for her as well!

On March 13, 2011 Jenny couldn't take anymore.  She had seen what God was doing in me and wanted the same for herself.  That day for the first time in our marriage, we walked through the doors of FFM with the same desire - for God to save her and our marriage.

Jenny carried with her that day a great deal of fear and shame of her past, and was afraid what people would think of her  She worried that she wouldn’t be worthy of God’s forgiveness.  As soon as we walked into the sanctuary, she said she felt God’s hand reaching down to her.  She thought that if she could just raise her hand to His and ask for forgiveness and salvation, perhaps He would set her free from the burden she’d been carrying for so long.

During the worship service Jenny felt the presence of God reach down and take her hand.  She lifted her arms in surrender to Him and in that moment all the chains fell off!  The burdens… the shame… the guilt were all washed away!!!  She recognized the love that He had for her – the desire to give her a life worth living.  That day she accepted God’s gift of grace and mercy.  She no longer was worried what people thought of her, she knew she had been redeemed!

Since that day, our marriage and lives have been blessed in so many ways!  God has been there for us to lean on.  Later that summer, Jenny was baptized.   Our marriage isn't perfect, but compared to where it was and where God has brought us is nothing but a divine miracle.

God has helped us in our ability to forgive each other and work through our problems and disagreements.  Jenny's motto for us is "Forgiveness is an unnatural act, but by the grace of God we have become supernatural".    

God has healed our broken marriage and restored our family.  We still have trials and short comings – we’re certainly not perfect, but with God in our lives, we have His power to help us overcome so much more.  We grow daily in Him and He sustains us through it all!  We are blessed beyond measure!

Bryan, Jenny with sons Byron and Chandler

*********

If you would like to share your story or request prayer for your marriage, you can contact me here.  I will forward your words of encouragement on to Bryan and Jenny as well.

Titus2Woman: Betty Part 2

Below is the conclusion to Titus2Woman: Betty


We had unique challenges that few kids experience.  We raised our children at the camp we were working at in Illinois.  


Kristen was 6, Jason 3, and Brian was 6 months when we moved there.  We were there 11 years, and basically the only way Jason and Brian remember growing up.  

The challenges were plentiful.  Rod was the administrator and I was the camp nurse as well as being involved in the kitchen, assisting the first five years and food service director the last six years.   

 

Finding family time was tough.  Not only did we live at the camp, but someone always lived in the apartment in our basement.  Besides working together with staff, we lived at the camp with most of the permanent staff.  We ate with them,  went to the small Mennonite church close by with them, and were in small groups with them.  It was hard for me to really find someone to be my sounding board since we were all so intertwined together.  My friend, from back home became a much-needed ear for me as did my sisters.   


We felt like we lived in a fish bowl, with people watching us and our actions.  Our personal mail came with the camp mail, and people were expecting our kids to behave all the time.  Camp kids were known as Camp Brats, but that was a label we didn’t want placed on our kids. 


In the summer, the challenge for our kids would be giving up their space for basically four months to 600 kids throughout the summer - as well as year-round groups that came on the weekends.  


Also, in the summer, we opened up our house to the summer staff we would hire, which numbered about twenty on the weekends.  I really enjoyed having the staff the first several years, and would have themed parties, such as a pet party, a corndog party, and a vacation party, which we all dressed appropriately for.  It was not unusual for us to come home from a much needed evening get away for the family and find our small living room packed with the staff watching a movie.   


As the kids got older and we grew more weary, I would put a red stop sign in my kitchen window at our house if we needed just family time with no extras hanging around.  If staff saw that sign they knew we just needed to be alone.  


Another thing that was hard for our kids was that we were so incredibly busy that they were not able to participate in summer sports.  Brian did try baseball one year, and the babysitter whom the camp would hire each summer, would drive him to practice and the games.  Of course there were games we missed since we had people to feed and attend to back at the camp.   Also, since we had groups usually on Sundays, we wouldn’t make it to church.  We always found a ride for the kids, though, or Rod took them when he had the Sunday off.  


Rod and I both felt the job at the camp would lend us being with our kids since we were accessible at most times.  The kids could come down to the lodge and see us whenever, and would even end up working in the kitchen or serving food.  But you know even though we were there for them, it tended to be a more physical presence than really “being” with them one on one.  


There were always distractions it seemed.  And sometimes the summer staff, who were usually high school and college students, would discipline our kids in ways we didn’t agree with or teach them things we didn’t like. But the blessings of raising our kids at a camp have far outweighed the negatives.  They learned to know, and respect, people from all walks of life, from the homeless, people of all nationalities, volunteers, recovering substance abuse people, 400 Harley riders, (with tattoos I would have to cover my children’s eyes from seeing ) to the church leaders.   What a blessing for us all for it seemed the kids could always find someone to hang out with.  


I will never forget being in the kitchen cooking for a Chinese group, and looking out to the dining area at the camp where they were showing a movie for the kids.  There amongst all the dark haired children sitting in rows staring at the screen was our very blonde 3 year old Brian.  He seemed to enjoy the movie even though it was in Chinese.   


Our children, since we worked late at night, would go to campfire each evening with the campers and join in with group games. Each one of our children accepted Christ at camp.   They were able to fish and boat in the lake, swim in the pool, take night hikes, participate in mud hikes, ice skate, tubing,  going down a zip line, and so many more things a child seldom gets to do on a regular basis.  There also was a challenge for Rod and I to decide what to do with all the tied dyed shirts, and other crafts they had made in the craft house, that came with a large amount of money on our tab for all they made the entire summer.    


When we were leaving the camp and deciding where to go next, Kristen, who was halfway through her senior year, asked us not to both work if we decided to continue in camping.  I know that there are things she wished she could have done, but was unable to because of our busy schedules.  She didn’t want her brothers to experience the same.  It was hard to leave camp, but we knew God had slammed the doors and windows there and was leading us elsewhere.  We needed to be obedient to wherever He wanted us to go.   


It was hard to leave Kristen behind in Illinois to finish high school when we moved to Michigan.  There were a lot of 3 ½ hour trips taken to see her last concerts and other activities that seniors experience that time of the year.   


Rod and I were burning out from giving, but not being fed spiritually.  I was becoming resentful of the things that I had to miss because of the camp, the final straw being when I had to miss Kristen getting crowned Homecoming queen since we were in Iowa, at a staff retreat that I had to be at.  


The Lord has been so faithful and good, and we would not be where we are in our walk and relationship with the Lord if it weren’t for the move and FFM.   Our life verse is Proverbs 3:5-6.  Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.   Things didn’t always make sense to us, but we have found when we are obedient to His calling and leading we are blessed if we go. 
    

I asked Kristen recently if she feels that living at a camp affected our family today and how.  She believes it has, and describes our family today as a “fluid” family.  We are a family that will invite others to stay with us if there is no place for them, we entertain with meals, and help others when there is a need.  We are a social family not minding having people around or with us.   It does my heart good when I see or hear of our children helping others not expecting anything in return, and Jason even went back a few summers ago to volunteer for a week working with the ropes course and zip line.  I believe each one of our children have that servants heart that I prayed for them to have and they saw demonstrated so much at camp. 

These are the things I would tell myself if I were 25:
 - Not to think that my house has to be in perfect order, it’s o.k. to have it be a little messy.  
 - I need to be more laid back and not to get anxious so quickly.  
 - Not to yell at my children and husband (who has helped me immensely since he such a laid back, easy going type.)  
 - It is O.k. to say "no" and not try to do everything for everybody- you don’t need to be a people pleaser.  
 - Play with your children, spend quality time with them, they grow way to fast.  
 - Don’t expect your children to be perfect.   It is o.k. that your child doesn’t have new Easter clothes for church, and they can also wear tennis shoes and jeans to church. 

Rod and I have been empty nesters for seven years and we love it.  It was hard to see that last one go, but our time is much more flexible.  I don’t have to cook nutritious meals all the time, and leftovers are great to serve two or more times in a row.  

I love it when the kids come home, and even more so now with grandchildren, a fiancé for Jason, and Brian’s girlfriend.  It gives me a chance to cook all those things they love that Rod and I seldom eat.  I do miss the discussions at meals and the entertainment they provided at meals.  But I love it when they call for a cooking question or other advice.  (Even the call I got one time at midnight, wondering if you soak lentils overnight.)  That just makes me feel like I have done my job and taught them they can be on their own, they are self sufficient, and they also won’t starve  : )     

*I would encourage mothers to choose their battles.  Ask yourself it will matter in a year and that is a help to which ones you choose.

*Listen to your children, they sometimes have great wisdom.  When Kristen was 3 months from being 16 she was asked to go to homecoming.  When I reminded her of the rule of no dating till you’re 16, she replied, “So, will 3 months make me more mature than what I am now? “   Kristen made sense and she went.

* Don’t put labels on your children or call them brats, monsters, or refer to them being bad.  Kids take things pretty literally and may begin to think they truly are those things you say.

*   Don’t expect one child to be like the other.  God designed each one differently and each comes with their own gifting, qualities, and quirks.  School may come easier for some, but not for all.  Don’t expect them all to be the same academically.

* Follow through with the action of discipline that you spoke to your child when they were doing something they weren’t to do.  Be persistent in the area of  discipline, instead of just throwing up your hands or doing it yourself.

*Don’t talk about your weight, or how you perceive yourself to be, physically, in front of them.  I had lost 30 pounds once and still stated I was fat even though I weighed 105.    I would put food in my mouth and decided it wasn’t worth it and go spit it out.   I worked for Weight Watchers for years and was basically focused on my physical appearance.  When Kristen was a freshman she developed an eating disorder.  I feel that part of the reason for it was what she had seen and heard the things I said or did as well of an abuse that had been repressed.

* Counseling is not a bad thing.  We had some family counseling when Kristen was working through her abuse and it really made clear to us the dynamics of our family and made us closer.

* Teach your children they need to wait for things.  Don’t give them everything they want.  Also, if money is tight, sit them down with you and tell them that things are tight and for the time being there can’t be any extras or candy at the checkout.  Don’t go into all the details, but reassure them things are o.k. it just is a period to watch what you spend.   I felt it made it easier when we did this with our kids.

*There are sacrifices that go with parenting.  Children do get sick, and usually at holidays or other special events planned is sure to be when they do!  Even though you don’t want to miss out, stay home with that child, (either parent), so your child doesn’t pass it along.  There are so many people these days that can’t miss work to take care of sick children, and single moms, especially that depend on that income.  It may be a disappointment then, but will it matter in a year?

* Don’t work against your child’s teacher, but work with them. Sometimes it may be necessary, such as when Jason’s 5th grade teacher who had been teaching forever, had health issues that really interfered with her teaching and teaching methods.  Don’t always side with the child, but with the teacher.  Find out all the facts before jumping to conclusions if there seems to be a problem with school.

* I remember not wanting to take my children to the doctor because of the expense.  But they are worth it, and God gave them to you to care for.  I am glad, even though it was more expensive, that we took Jason to an eye specialist for his eye problem than just an optometrist. 

* Read to your children from birth on up, play games with them, sing and dance around, while hoping the neighbors aren’t looking through the windows, and make memories.    Make learning opportunities fun.  Before getting a computer we had a set of encyclopedias near the table.  During meals I would grab one and we would play trivia on different subjects.  

*It seems these days that some parents feel their children should be in every activity.  When this is done I notice that they begin to attend church, especially Wednesday nights, less and less.  Make church a priority.  It is the best activity they can ever be a part of.  I heard once someone say this about church:  “it use to be called Sabbath, then it became the Holy Day, then it became Sunday, and now it is the weekend”.  Please don’t let your child see church as the weekend. 

*Remember you are in charge, not your child.  Let them see you as a parent, not just their best friend.

*When kids are old enough give them a clothing allowance.  We would give three times a year.  This started for us when Kristen always wanted white sneakers when she already had several pairs and t-shirts as well.  It took the pressure off of me feeling bad to say no all the time, taught her that labels aren’t always worth paying the money for, and she became a more responsible, bargain loving, shopper.     

        

Miscarriage - Angela's Story

After Elizabeth shared her story last week, I received messages and comments from many of you.  The response was a clear reminder to me that losing a child through miscarriage is a devastation - no matter how far along you are.

Some of you shared your stories with me.  Though I personally have never experienced this kind of loss, I heard the pain in your words.  But more than that, I saw a resilience... a steadfastness... a never-gonna-let-go-of-His-hand kind of faith and I knew that these testimonies had to be shared with more than just myself.

Below is Angela's story.  She is a personal friend of mine and I've watched her walk through these miscarriages.  If you have lost a child that you never got to hold in your arms, hope that you will find encouragement in her words.

On Palm Sunday of 2010 I lost my fourth child. We were unexpectedly pregnant and only six weeks along.

We had discovered that we were pregnant after I had an ovarian cyst burst. I had spoken at my MOPS group about being content and thought that my stomach pain was nerves. I am the exact opposite of a public speaker by nature. As soon as the meeting was over I went to the bathroom hoping that my pain was just gas or something. I was wrong. I had never been is such pain and I have delivered a 9 pound baby! I passed out for the first time in my life. I fell on the tile floor, chipping a tooth and zygomatic bone right under my eyebrow. My sister was at the meeting and after being checked out by a nurse friend, we were on our way to the ER. They ran some bloodwork and decided that I was merely lightheaded because I was pregnant and sent me home. They shouldn’t have. Later that night I was in extreme pain. My husband called my mom to watch the kids and we went back to the ER where they finally managed to determine why I was in so much pain. Most ovarian cysts rupture slowly and then just go away. Mine basically exploded. Releasing all sorts of yucky things into my system. Knowing that I was going to be ok, I was done with drama or so I thought.

Two weeks later, I started to spot and then cramp and I knew something was wrong. It was Palm Sunday. We went to church and were hugged and prayed for and then went straight to the ER where we were told the baby was gone. Blood work told them that the baby had been gone long enough for all of the pregnancy hormones to be out of my system. I was devastated. I knew I would be ok. I clung to Christian music as my lifeline. It was the only thing at that time that made me feel close to God. I was angry and hurt that this had even happened but I knew that He had a purpose for this happening. I just had to learn to accept it. The next year seemed to be a constant battle to keep depression away. God has gifted me with a persistent spirit (sounds much nicer than stubborn, doesn’t it?) and I knew that this trial would pass.

February 26th 2011, we saw that faint plus sign on a pregnancy test. I was worried but excited. We had waited an extra two weeks so I was already farther along that I was when we lost the last baby. We didn’t tell people until it was obvious that I was either pregnant or dying from some strange stomach virus. We had an ultrasound at ten weeks to check on things and everything was fine. I felt the baby wiggle in April and was so happy to know that we were going to have a baby! We went to a routine appointment on Monday, May 18th. The receptionist said that our appointment wasn’t until the next day but my husband and I were certain that it was supposed to be that day. They managed to squeeze us in, a miracle in itself, and we were certain everything was fine. The doctor checked for the baby's heartbeat and couldn’t find it. He did a quick ultrasound in the office and couldn’t find it and sent us to the hospital to get a better ultrasound. The technician wouldn’t let me see the images and I knew then that there was no heartbeat. Kevin couldn’t see one either but the technician couldn’t tell us anything because she was following policy. The doctor came in and told us that he didn’t know what had happened but the baby didn’t have a heartbeat and we set up an appointment for the next day to discuss our options. We decided to have a d&c done because of my record of never going into labor on my own, the risk of infection was too great.

This is a note that I wrote on May 26th, 2011, a week after we learned of our baby’s death.

I was beyond broken just a week ago.I learned that the baby in my womb that I had felt wiggle was dead. There was NO heartbeat, the baby was too small, something had happened. My spirit crumbled into a shattered heap. I had lost a baby before but this time I was in the "safe zone." Miscarriages RARELY happen in the second trimester of pregnancy. I was almost 18 weeks but the baby measured only 15. It was so unexpected and it hurt more than I can even explain. But then, the Comforter came to me and said "Worship" and I did. With everything inside of me, I poured out my heart in song, in praise, in silence when I could no longer think and my heart cried to my heavenly daddy.

I had a modified D&C on Wednesday the 18th. I lost a LOT of blood and ended up staying overnight in the hospital and receiving THREE units of blood. My husband was terrified. I was released on Thursday and I was at peace. On Saturday, I stood up from resting because I was very very tired and had overdone it a bit that morning (my brain was in mom-mode and my house was messy...) As I stood up blood gushed down to my knees and my heart cried out to God to save me for my children's sake. I have never been so concerned for my own life before that moment. We went to the ER and it's amazing how quickly they will have you in a room when you tell them that you are gushing blood. :) The dr. came and checked me out and said that this was not as bad as it looked. (Insert ENORMOUS sigh of relief here) I had clotted up inside my uterus from doing too much that morning and when I stood up the clots moved and the blood gushed. It was scary but NOT life threatening. She took some giant q-tips and cleaned out the clots. I still was bleeding too much as far as my past experiences with having three children told me though. I was couch-bound for the rest of the day.

On Sunday, NOTHING could have kept me from church. I was like a spiritual sponge that had been squeezed and hung out to dry. When my heart broke on Monday, ALL I wanted was to be in church. I had every intention of going to church after my operation but that was not in the plan. I sat at church but I didn't want to, I wanted to dance. My dear husband let us go early so I could worship during worship practice as long as I promised NOT to do anything. I was still bleeding too much.

Worship that morning was as close to heaven as I have ever been! :) The first song was MY song for losing my babies. "Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering, thought there's pain in the offering, BLESSED be Your Name....You give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord BLESSED be YOUR NAME." Each song after was a love song to My Savior and about the JOY that came from Him. I was FILLED with joy.

A few dear friends came to me and prayed for healing during worship. They are each such a blessing to my soul and my dear sisters in Him. One spoke of the woman with the issue of blood. I knew how she felt bleeding everywhere all the time, that woman was on my mind ALL day Saturday and Sunday morning. I know that during worship I was touching the hem of my master's garment and that I would be ok. The bleeding nearly stopped after Sunday and I healed up just fine.

I don't understand how just a week after this tragedy that I am not only ok but I am happy and content with my life. I know that He has a plan for me and that this is a path that He has chosen for me and I must walk it for HIS glory and HIS honor. It's not about me. I'm a crumpled mess on my own but with Him I know that I can do anything!! :)

I am so very blessed to have my family there for me and not just my relatives! My brothers and sisters in Christ that have held me up in prayer are a continuous blessing into my day to day life. In this trial, I have learned one thing that I don't think I will ever forget. I am loved beyond my wildest imaginations by my Father and by those around me, that is the beauty in this stage of brokenness.

Do NOT be afraid to say that you are broken. Don't believe that you are not strong enough to get through this trial (I know I am not!) Just trust in Him and in the people that He has put into your life. They are there for a reason!!

Today is the third day of 2012 and I am exactly 18 weeks pregnant. I feel this little one wiggle every day and it helps to fight the fear of losing this child. I know that God is with me and that many of my friends and family are praying for me. No matter what happens with this child I carry I KNOW that this is all part of God’s plan for my life. I am blessed beyond my dreams with three beautiful healthy children and an amazing husband. I treasure them and lean on them on those days when I miss my lost loves.

The littlest things can make you remember what you’ve lost. The due dates are hard. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have a November 19th or October 17th where I don’t cry but that’s ok. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or easy. God put us here to further His kingdom.. This is my path, I don’t walk it alone. He’s there with me...every step...every tear...every laugh...every day.





Angela can read your comments below, or you can contact Angela and I through email.

Sidenote:  Angela is a coupon queen and recently began teaching classes to women in the area.  Read more here on her blog.