Speak Up

I needed a getaway.

More than I realized.

The past year of my life has been packed full with activities, demands and that ugly word I so despise - depression.

At the end of last year, I informed Depression that she would not be making the transition into 2017 with me.  And for the most part, she hasn't - although she still finds ways to sneak back in if I'm not watching out for her.

Fast forward to last week, I attended a Speak Up conference for the first time ever.  I'd heard about it for years, but never made it a priority to go.  

This year was difference.  

Thanks to the persistence of my friend Carissa Yoder, I found myself sitting among hundreds of other writers and speakers at Calvin College wondering if there was still a message hidden somewhere inside of me and how, in Heaven's name, would I dig it out if I found it... much less find the time to share it?

God met me there.

He met me through the faces of several people.

He met me through the woman who told me that the only holdback she had with writing was TIME.

No kidding?!  

She had forty some years on me at least.  I sat listening to her tell of her life in the idyllic beauty of her life out west.  She told me about her lack of pets, children, husband and time... yes... time.

I stared stupidly as I tried to compute her words.  

No time?

I pictured my life back home - demands piled higher than my eyeballs.  A life where finding "time" is both laughable and seemingly unreachable.

Conviction slapped me in the face.  There will always be excuses for not writing.  "Time" is forever fleeting - no matter how full... or empty my hands may be.

Ironically, I never saw my new friend the rest of the conference.  

Curious.

After that, God grabbed my heart through the overriding message of the Speak Up conference - WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM.

Those words fell like a healing balm on my heart.  I felt wanted.  Protected.  Needed.  Lifted up.

Renewed and refreshed - the calling He gave me rang louder than ever inside my soul.

New friends and old - what a gift!

And then there was FRIENDSHIP - That weekend, God broadened my circles.

He gave me the gift of renewing old friendships and discovering new.

The enemy does his best to make our world feel small and insignificant, but God calls us to step out and discover how big His plans really are.

And finally, FEAR.  I watched as some fancy little layers were peeled back to reveal the truth of what was hiding in me.  Fear of man.. fear of failure.. and fear of man again.  

And in the knowledge of this newfound truth, I found the key.  By letting fear dictate my actions, I had opened myself up to the presence of Depression.  By refusing to do the thing God had asked of me, I was left vulnerable to all that Depression has to offer. 

What is the message you carry?

How do you plan to deliver it?

When do you officially become a writer or a speaker?  

Do you even have the right to try?

These are all questions I ran into at Speak Up - and conviction fell heavy.  

I do have a calling.  I do have a message.  

And I've also let pride and fear close my mouth and shut my laptop (hence the date of my last blogpost).

I wonder if you've felt the same?  Truth is, we all are invited into the calling of speaking up.  Our messages aren't all the same nor are the sizes of our audiences.  But we can't deny the truth - God gave you a message - don't deny the world the gift of hearing what He has to say through you.

Speak Up!

A Tangled Life

Its vines are tangled today – no signs of life visible from my perspective.  But I know it’s there.  Somewhere deep within.

The grape vine sits in my back yard… waiting… ready to explode with life… a fruitful life.  And it will happen soon.

I know, because it happens over and over again… year after year.  That’s what God created it for.

And the lesson I see repeated each spring, is that the vine doesn’t worry in the waiting… hoping against hope that God will remember… that the Creator will look its way once more… choosing to use it yet again – ugly, desolate though its appearance may be. 

No, it just waits... feeding on the nutrients of the moist soil below.

It doesn’t strive.  It doesn’t fret.  It doesn’t struggle to produce even one small grape on its own strength.  It simply waits, trusting in its Creator to stir up life once again within the tangled branches.

No matter how ugly, useless or desolate your life may appear to you, know that you are not forgotten.  Stop trying to live on your own strength.

Step out of the traffic.

Be still.

The One who created you has not forgotten you and He can bring a delightful harvest through you no matter how tangled and messy your life has become.

“Cease striving and know that I am God…”

Psalm 46:10a

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A Stormy Situation

It's dry.

Again.

A farmer's wife seems to always have the petition for rain on her prayer list, and today is no different.

I am reminded of the need each time I look at my van.

Wash me!

A thick layer of dust connects across each hill and valley of its exterior, separated only by the occasional handprint and imploring "wash me" memo written carefully by the hand of an unidentified child.

But, alas, there are baseball players to deliver, piano students to transport, and swimmers to take to the welcoming waters of Pawpaw's pool.  There are meals to bring to weary farmers, groceries to transfer home and bags of grain to hand over to the hungry cow waiting within the gaping doors of a big red barn.

I contemplated washing the ole girl today, but the billowing dust of the driveway informed me of the uselessness of it all.  Before sunset, my van would likely sport yet another garment of grime so instead I checked the sky, longing for a storm... or even a hint of rain.

Storms instigate fear.  For many, it's surging winds, green skies and pelting rains strike panic within their hearts.  As a child, I was one such person.  But I've learned something fascinating from the eagle, and so I must share.

Eagles love storms!

They can detect storms long before the dark clouds cover the horizon and, according to research, the eagles become "excited" when they see a storm approaching.  They don't escape the storm - instead they use those gale force winds to carry them higher than ever before.


I thought of that today as I zipped across country roads.  Hot, sunny days are what so many long to hear on the weather forecast.  Still, to have endless days of summer sun would ultimately leave us with  powdery dust and parched soil.

No growth.

No bounty.

Only famine.

And despair.

And death.

Rising up like an eagle is a common phrase in our society, but can I suggest even more?  Life will have it's share of storms, can we welcome their disturbances in our lives?  Can we become excited as we see the storms impending arrival?

It is above the storms winds that an eagle is able to find rest, for there it is able to soar effortlessly, forced by the angry gusts to climb higher where it can enjoy the unbroken, panoramic display of the earth below.

Welcome the storms.  Lift up your hands to Your Creator.  Let Him teach your spirit how to rise above the howling winds and deafening thunder.  He has the power to take you higher than ever before and there you'll find rest as you drink in the beauty of His majesty and power.

Your righteousness reaches to the skies,

O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you? 

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,

you will restoremy life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. 

I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God;

I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. 

My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you--

I, whom you have redeemed. 

Psalm 71:19-23

Behind the Mask

I was pushing my cart through the aisles of the grocery store last night when, unexpectedly, my heart burned with a heavy sorrow. A little girl walked by, hand tucked inside the large hand of her daddy. Our eyes met for a split second, then they turned a corner and she disappeared.

I have no possible way of knowing what truths were hiding behind her big blue eyes. I could only hope her life was one of joy and happiness. Still... I know the unfortunate reality that this is not the case for so many.

Abuse is everywhere. Try as we might to stop it, it continues to exist. What breaks my heart is that too often, the attention is focused more on the abuser... rather than the abused. Still, the damages done by abuse, though often left unseen, wound the deepest parts of a person's soul. Wounds so deep, many are left unhealed throughout their lifetime.

My heart is for these innocent victims. I ache along with them as they search to find healing, purpose and value.

A teenage girl recently shared these words with me - words she wrote after experiencing sexual abuse at the hands of the man she had trusted most - her father. Though she continues on her path towards healing even today, my prayer is that she will continue to leave behind the mask that she wore for so long and discover a love that is true and pure through her Heavenly Father.

Here are her words:

Behind the Mask

Written by a 13 year old girl

I was just a doll

to fill your every pleasure.

Little did I know

to Someone, I was a treasure.

I grew up thinking

that this is all I am worth.

But God was there

even through the worst.

You said you loved me

but you were only lying.

You were not listening,

but God was... He heard me crying.

You violated

my body, my very being.

It took a long time

for my heart to stop bleeding.

You never asked me

Never asked if it was okay.

You had the power,

But used it all the wrong way.

You were just one man

But one man’s lust is all it took.

Then you only stood by

As my whole world shook.

So I put on a mask 

For those around me to see.

Because I can’t let

Them know what happened to me.

I cannot let it slip,

Must always keep it place.

I feared letting anyone 

See the pain on my face

But at last I found

Reality in salvation.

God truly loves me

For I am His creation.

He gave me the strength

To break the silence... to speak.

Now you are gone...

and I am no longer weak.

I'm no longer yours

Because I am His.

And I finally discovered

What authentic love is.

He gave me a fresh start

I simply had to ask

He's healing my heart

And removing my mask.

I would be so honored to pass on words of encouragement to this young woman - her journey to healing is far from over.  If you have something you would like to share with her - or what her words have meant to you, please email me and I will pass it along to her.  And for the broken and hurting people in your life - reach out to them today.  Make a difference in their life through a smile, kind words or a hug.

There is pain all around us.  If we could see what the masks are hiding, I fear it would render us speechless, frozen in horror at the wounds so many hide.

Like the poem says, authentic love can only be found by the One who came to save us.  This world is full of broken people - that is why He came.  My desire is to reflect the love He has shown me to the world around me.

If you are the one who is hurting today, I have this to say to you - you are loved!  The world tells us that we have no worth - no value.  Circumstances and situations from childhood to this very moment in time tell us that we're no good... so we spend our time searching for affirmation and love.  But hear me in this - your WORTH cannot be dependent upon another's opinion of you.  Looking to another to measure your value will only bring heartache and pain - for those you look to may be carrying their own burdens, leaving them with a distorted view of what genuine love is.

Their is only One who can love you with a complete and pure and authentic love - it is Jesus.  How do I know?  Because He removed my own mask of pain.  He brought me out of a dark, lonely and depressing life into one of peace and an inner joy that this world cannot take away.

He offers it to you as well.  All you need to do, is ask.

If you would like prayer for a situation in your life, email me today.  I would love to pray for you!