In Awe and Wonder

Tears close.  Steps shaky.  Heart full.

But at peace.

Other-worldly peace.

Yesterday, was not unlike so many other days.  Full of activity and long to-do lists.

Spent the morning with friends.  Picked up kids at noon (last day of school).  Celebrated with a picnic, silly string wars and ice cream at the party store.

Struggled with fear, nerves, and excitement. (Tomorrow is Redemption Sunday).  Inward battle within my soul (completely unrelated to Redemption Sunday) and complete awe of my God who calmed my nerves, sent the Hornet about before me (even saw hornets all day long!), and gave me resolutions for my inward battle... resolutions that were obviously not from within my selfish, human spirit.

It was also the day I almost lost my husband.

He was shocked by an electrical current.  The blister, the wounds, and the look in his eyes told me how bad it really was... how bad it could have been.

The waters I am called to walk upon threaten to overtake me... I look down at the what if's splashing around my ankles and I shudder.   Just as quickly, I am reminded of my Hornet and I lift my eyes to the One who calms my quaking heart.

He is capable.  He is loving.  And He is good.

...Your glory is a blanket that covers

Every living thing

I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are

Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart

All of the day I want to be where You are

Holy Father

And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me

With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy

You are holy

Jesus Christ

You bled Your love, laid down Yourself

And gave me life

In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high

Here I lay in awe and wonder

I am afraid

For no one’s ever sacrificed and loved me this way

So on my face I fall under Your heavy grace

Here I lay in awe and wonder

And I wonder...

-Leeland

Not Enough

The story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 has been told countless times throughout history.  The masses of people.  The lack of food.  The little boy.  The five loaves.  The two fish (why do we say 'fishes'?).

And I love how God takes the ordinary.. the picture we've seen over and over since we first painted it in our minds eye as a little child, and points out a small detail for the first time changing the whole scene.

Here's the story or at least the part I want you to see:

³⁷ But he (Jesus) answered, “You give them something to eat.”

They (the disciples) said to him, “That would take more than half a year’s wages^[e]! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?”

³⁸ “How many loaves do you have?” he asked. “Go and see.”

When they found out, they said, “Five—and two fish.”

³⁹ Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. ⁴⁰ So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. ⁴¹ Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks...  Mark 6

He gave thanks.

Jesus gave thanks.

What He held in His hands was the only answer to His problem.

It was tangible.  

Touchable.  

Physical.  

Solid.  

Palpable.  

It was real.

And it was far short of what He needed for this moment.

Still... He gave thanks.

God spoke to my heart this morning as I cried out to Him about my wants... my in-my-opinion needs.  My desires.  And He took me there... there to stand with Him before the crowds of people as Jesus lifted up the little that He had and gave thanks.

Jesus gave thanks for what He knew... was... not... enough!

What do your masses look like?  What are the problems you're standing before?  Does your only solution seem drastically inadequate?  Paltry?  Even laughable?

Take heart!  Jesus has stood there too!  And the beauty of gratitude is that within that thankfulness, Jesus discovered abundance.