Life Interrupted: Losing My Hair

If you are new to Vicky's story, you may want to begin here.

Losing My Hair

The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter

by Victoria Overholt

I won't forget that day, Thursday March 8, the day before my second heavy duty chemo treatment. My Derek sent me a text message after 10 am asking me if my hair was falling out yet, LOL?, because he need a haircut. The kids had already decided early in my diagnosis that they were going to have their heads shaved with me when my hair started to fall out. 

I told Derek that it hadn't started to fall out yet. I went into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and ran my fingers through my hair. Clumps of hair came out from between my fingers. My heart started to beat very fast. Even though I knew it probably was going to happen, when it actually did it was a big dose of reality.

I texted Derek back and told him what just happened. Lord, You know that sense of humor you gave to my son? He was using it, trying to make me feel better. He was texting and telling me that I need to get over the hair thing and just get it shaved. He said it's just a step in the process of getting better. He told me I wouldn't want it to fall out in the shower, that would suck. I told him that he was right. I know he's
26 years old, my youngest, and he sounded really grown up to me. It's a strange but comforting feeling when a child you have raised is the one offering encouragement to their parent. 

Penny had already decided that when the time came to shave my head, she and Carol were going to open the salon on a Sunday to do this for me and my family. I called Clarice and told her it needed to be the following Sunday. I had read somewhere that a person could lose 50% of their hair without it being noticeable that it was gone. I had thought I could do that, but I hadn't realized that the falling out was the distressing part as it gets all over. There were pieces of my hair sticking on my Trinity's clothes and I knew I didn't want that. 

The next day Betty took me to my second treatment. I didn't wear a scarf and I remember telling her on the way home that even the roots of my hair felt strange, as if my hair wanted to jump off. She said, "You mean your hair wants to jump ship?" Yes, exactly that. She's so funny Lord.

Clarice got everything set up for Sunday at the salon. By then, I'm wearing a scarf to hold pieces of my hair on my head. I was surprised when we walked into the salon and Clarice started to set up to play some CD's. She had ordered pizza and nachos for everyone. It was a party, a celebration, a way to take some control of the situation. It was as Derek had said, a step in the process of getting better. 

Lord, You know that even though it was a celebration, I was somewhat apprehensive. I was overwhelmed and humbled at the thought of my children having their heads shaved. I wondered about my daughter. It seems as a society we put a lot of value on our hair, especially as women. Well, a lot of men too. She was willingly having her long, thick, beautiful, healthy hair shaved off and her husband was supporting her. I had to wonder how many men would do that. 

Derek was the first one in the chair, because he needed a haircut right? He had let his hair grow quite long. Carol shaved Gunnar's hair and put long pink strands in Tia's, Tabby's and Nikki's hair. I do believe those beautiful girls are still wearing them. 

Then Lord, there's my Austin, my least talkative child, who decides he's going to get a pink mohawk. Now this is going to raise some conversation and take him out of his comfort zone. You know, he's a fairly good-sized grown man with a wife and three sons sporting a huge pink mohawk.

Oh yes, with the support of my wonderful daughter-in-law who hangs out with him. He kept the mohawk for weeks and was met with many comments, rude looks, threats and gestures. He had many stories to tell. One about a man standing in line behind him at the gas station. The man was talking out loud about the way people dress and their hair ect. Austin told him that before he made a jerk of himself, his mother had breast cancer and he did this to show his love and support for her. The man just said, "oh". 

When I shared this story with my doctor, he told us of an example in a book by Steven Covey. It was about a man and his children on the subway. The children were being unruly and the father wasn't disciplining them as the other passengers felt he should be. He seemed kind of oblivious to their behavior. 

When the father was approached by the other passengers about his children, he apologized and told the people that his wife had just died and they had left the hospital not more than an hour ago. Neither he nor his children knew how to act at that point. I knew that story and wondered how often I had been like those people. Maybe we see someone in a store and we think they must be a loser because of the clothes they're wearing or they have no teeth. 

That's not what you want us to do Lord. You want us to care about the heart of that person and not be afraid to even have a conversation with them or give them a smile. My perspective has changed most recently Lord. 

What have I to be afraid of anymore?

It was Clarice's turn in the chair. I held her hand. She said, "You're making it worse Mom", but she didn't let go. 

It was my turn in the chair.

Kari Jobe "Healer" was playing on the CD player. I was singing. Clarice and Ronnie were holding my hands. My hair fell to the floor.

Lord, You have shown me what is good. And what do you require of me? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God.

Micah 6:8

I humble myself in the presence of the Lord and He will exalt me. (He will lift me up and make my life significant) James 4:10

I humble myself under the mighty hand of God, and in His good time He will lift me up. 1 Peter 5:6

I'm so blessed and thankful for the wonderful family and friends you have given me and the love and support they show.  Today as I look in the mirror at my bald head and very little eyelashes or eyebrows, these things that a woman may get a lot of her beauty and value from, I want to believe that maybe I will see myself as You see me, in Your image and for Your Glory.

To close Lord, I wouldn't be offended if You decided to keep my leg hair and unwanted facial hair.
Love, Me

Victoria, her children and the stylists

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Life Interrupted: The Cancer Center

If you are new to Vicky's story, you may want to begin here.

Life Interrupted

The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter

by Victoria Overholt

West Michigan Cancer Center in Kalamazoo, I didn't even know this place existed. This particular morning I had to get up before daylight to go to their Breast Clinic.  This meant seeing everyone of the doctors that would involved in my treatment plan.

This is really real now. 

There is a treatment plan. 

This morning was one of the most emotional I've had in awhile. There were mornings I've had to pray myself out of bed. Speaking Your word out of my mouth, Lord. I know the plans you have for me Lord, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 ...and singing songs of praise to You... 

But there was no singing in bed that morning, no verses, only sobbing. My body felt very heavy. I couldn't even move. All I could do was cry. I was trying to keep my disappointment from You. I realized that was ridiculous. You already know my thoughts. So I cried and cried to You, telling You how disappointed I was but letting You now this didn't mean that I'd stopped trusting You. I just knew that You could have taken this lump away and I wouldn't have to go to this place and listen to their plan of chemo and hair loss, surgery and radiation and all the changes this would mean to my body. 

As I was pouring out my heart to You, my Ronnie came in the room and he prayed for me. He prayed me out of bed that morning. Then he called Clarice and told her I was having a rough time. She sent me texts of verses like she usually does. God is not a man that he should lie nor a son of man that he should change his mind, does he speak and not act, does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19

I went to my 'room' amd put on some worship music and started to sing. As I was there for awhile singing, I heard You say to me.."Just Praise Me". So that was my answer from You, Lord. No matter what path You choose for me to walk through, I'm still to just praise You. So I did, and I wiped my tears and got ready to go to this strange new place.

My Ronnie, Clarice and Betty sat with me in the exam room as each doctor came in to talk to us. There was so much information and Clarice took notes. Everyone was very nice and caring. I was overwhelmed at the many patients that were there from all different age groups and backgrounds. One thing that was really shocking to me was a comment made by the oncologist's assistant when we were talking about setting up days for chemotherapy. She said most of the college students will come in for treatment on Thursday so they can have the weekend to recover and be back to class on Monday. You know my mouth dropped open. College students?! I had no idea!

I wanted to know what these loved ones of mine thought about all of this. Ronnie said it was sad that there is a need for a place like this.  Betty was really impressed with the Cancer Center. She said, "With a cancer diagnosis consuming ones mind it seems they have made it easy for you there so you don't have to try to figure out what to do or where to go. Just having the snack lady and puzzles made one relax. I thought it almost felt like being part of a family with the others in the waiting area. The professionals you saw seemed to really care and willing to take time and answer questions."

So Lord, positive things were seen that day by those who care about me... and You knew....

Unless You had been my help, I would soon have dwelt in (the land where there is) silence. When I said, my foot is slipping, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up. In the multitude of my (anxious) thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!  Psalm 94:17-19


Clarice had positive things to say, here are her impressions----

"After getting slightly lost, finally arriving at the WMCC was very, let's say, comforting...we had arrived...mom had finally made it to the next step on this journey...we were in the place where all the specialty training was put to work...not just medical school but a specialization. 

The doctors/nurses/office staff that have dedicated themselves to the care and healing of the many diverse faces that walk through the doors, daily were there to greet us. 

The first person to say hello was a lady on a scooter wheelchair who was wearing a volunteer vest, covered in many patches....and her scooter was as colorfully adorned with one sticker that I can remember in particular...it said, "Cancer Sucks". Yes, I do agree, but I felt like we were in the right place to give mom the tools to "fight like a girl" and kick this cancer's behind. 

The day at the Breast Cancer Clinic was a lot to take in, to say the least and I was even taking notes...as each Doctor or WMCC staff member came through the exam room door. Before that even, though, was experiencing the waiting areas of WMCC...Large rooms with lots of comfy seating, shelves and shelves of literature, puzzles and puzzle tables, everywhere,TV's....and other "normal" waiting room things...but some things that are unique to WMCC that I have to believe are specifically there to promote "healing" one is the piano on the first floor...and the second thing that I noticed was a section on the second floor waiting room that was set up for painting...what a great therapy for some. 

There are baskets of hats and scarves that have been donated to the Center which are free for the taking for the many patients that pass by. There is a fitness center on the lower level available to not only the patient but the care-giver, as well. All the postings at WMCC for the different opportunities that are available, such as free chair massages, are available again to the patient and the care-giver(s). They seem to really understand that "care" and companionship is really an essential piece to healing.

Not only are there volunteer greeters but, "cart people" as well... what is a cart person? Well it's someone who pushes around a snack cart with beverages and goodies to give out to whomever they come in contact with...whether you are in a waiting area or a treatment room, they will find you. It is such a caring and nice treat.

The staff is wonderful, caring, informative, patient, and just down-right good and kind people.

Comprehensive Care...that's just what mom needed and that's just what she's getting. To have the Center's head facilitator be open and talk to you about prayer...and praying for the patients and their needs...I know that we're in the right place and that God is going to use not only the people there to touch mom's life...but, her to touch others, as well...

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Life Interrupted: Discovering A New Normal

If you are new to Vicky's story, you may want to begin here.

Life Interrupted

The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter

by Victoria Overholt

I'm standing here in my living room Lord, looking at our family picture wall. I'm looking at the picture of my Ronnie and I with our granddaughter Paige. Last summer we were standing on our deck, the sun was shining on my hair and we were all smiling. As I look into the eyes of the woman that I was, I remember being very happy.

I wonder how I've changed since then. According to my doctor, I had cancer even then and didn't know. I've known people who have had cancer. Relatives have passed that I didn't even know, and some that I knew. Have I ever before really thought about how a cancer patient might feel?

I never knew what it was like to awaken from my warm bed at 4:00 AM to get ready to have a porta-cath surgically placed in my body.  This was yet another intruder I never asked for, but have to think of as a friend.  

Had I ever wondered about the many tests, MRI's, CT scans, bone scans, injected contrast dye, nuclear medicine, biopsies with needles? I would have much rather been waiting to give birth than to wait for the results of these tests.

Did I even know there was such a place as an Infusion Room with recliner chairs and TV's and packed lunches?  Lord there's so many catalogs of wigs, turbans, hats, eyebrow powder, eyelash adhesive. There are many different styles, shapes and sizes of breast prosthesis, with or without.......well You know. 

I can never go back to that bright summer day when I didn't realize that every other commercial on TV was about life insurance or cancer. It's like being a part of an exclusive club that you would never want to be asked to join.

As Clarice shared my new 'membership' with others, it was very evident that I wasn't alone in this club. Many women came forward as breast cancer survivors. These beautiful women celebrate their cancer-free birthdays, 15 years... 12 years... 5 years... 2 years.  Many offer their advice, information, their surgeons,oncologists, plastic surgeons for reconstructions. 

Many say they didn't have anyone to talk to when they were going through their journey. Some say they are better for having gone through it. Wow, I am amazed by them and their stories!

It was through a couple of those women that we found my second opinion doctor.  Lord, You know the doctor's plan, four treatments of chemotherapy every two weeks to shrink the tumors in the effort to at least try to avoid a more radical surgery.  She says it's too big to be able to have "clear margins", meaning without leaving cancer behind.

So after four treatments, they will re-evaluate, then their plan is surgery of some kind - lumpectomy or mastectomy.  After two to four weeks of healing, I will undergo thirty-five treatments of radiation.

It's totally up to You Lord. You can use their plan, or not... because, ultimately, whatever I have to walk through is Your plan. 

Heal me , O Lord , and I shall be healed, save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14 

The Lord has declared that He will restore me to health and heal my wounds. 

Jeremiah 30:17

My light shall break forth like the morning, and my healing (my restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily. 

Isaiah 58:8

I shall not die but live, and shall declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.  

Psalm 118:17

He sends His Word and heals me and rescues me from the pit and destruction.  

Psalm 107:20

So, I'm no longer naive.   And I want to know more about cancer research and why this wretched club exists at all. I realize there are some therapies that get bad press etc.  And some are supposed to be great bacause they're 'natural'.  I can say for a fact that until you're inducted into this club, you don't know what you might do to live.

You might think you're going to go to your backyard and brew some tea from some herb you've planted and everything will be okay, but that's probably not going to happen.

You're going to go where they tell you to go and do what they tell you to do.

It's my prayer on this journey that as You comfort me Father, I can give Your comfort to others.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God (Who is the Source) of every comfort (consolation and encouragement)

Who comforts (consoles and encourages) me in every trouble ( calamity and affliction), so that I may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are

in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which I myself am comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

As the sky gets light on this very early morning and the birds are singing, You speak to me through my devotional:

Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others. I am revealing to you the path of Life day by

day, and moment by moment. As I said to my disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me

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Some family photos

 

Life Interrupted: Telling the Family

 If you are new to Vicky's story, you may want to begin here.  As I am posting this blog, my heart is with Vicky as today she is receiving her first chemo treatment.  Please keep her and her family in your prayers!

Life Interrupted

The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter

by Victoria Overholt

You know, Lord, that now I have to go places I don't want to go.

I have to do things I don't want to do. 

I have to read and think about things that I don't want to read or think about. 

Heavy on my heart was the fact that our other children needed to be told, and my parents. Clarice told Angie and Jason while Ron and I went that Friday night to tell Austin and Tia. 

I remember their three boys were in and out of the room as we were talking, especially Noah. He just wanted to hang out with us and give us hugs. Of course they don't know what's going on.  

The ladies together at Christmas

The guys...

And the grandkids

Austin took my hand and told me that he knew whatever I had to go through that I would be strong and would be able to do it. Then he gave me a hug. Tia hugged me and we cried together. She let me know how much she loved me and was here for me. 

We left there and went to my parent's house. I was thinking this isn't something I should be telling my 80 year old parents. I should be thinking about how I can be helping them. They were both very positive. My mother who is 82 years old told me that she just knew the cancer was only in my breast and no place else. It's amazing how sometimes she might try my patience but there have been times when she is so clear in her encouragement to me that I know she hears from you, God.

The next day was New Years Eve. Clarice drove me over to Derek and Tabby's to talk to them. My heart was breaking as I told them. Tabby's mother had passed from cancer only a couple of years ago. She and I held each other and cried.  Derek hugged me and told me he loved me and we left.  

Lord, this is my journey and you are with me, but somehow I feel horrible and blessed at the same time that I have my family and friends to be with me on this journey.

We drove back to Clarice's and I went about making the lasagna that we would have for her birthday the next day. I remember going through the motions of what I was doing but feeling like I was alone even though she and her family were there.  It was if I was watching myself doing these things. Lord, you knew what was going on but I didn't.  I had a feeling as if I couldn't take a complete breath. 

The next day, Sunday, I woke up feeling the same way. Now my hands and my face were tingling. We didn't go to church. I called my doctor/friend who had diagnosed me.  He told me I was having anxiety and it was normal given my recent news. He told me to breathe into a paper bag and if that didn't help I should go to the E.R. I sent a text to Clarice and let her know what was going on. She told me she was coming over to get us and taking me to Bronson Hospital E. R.  She had postponed her birthday dinner with our family.

The drive there wasn't the greatest with the snow and wind. I got right into the E.R. when we arrived. Shortness of breath and back pain are the ticket in, I guess.

The doctor there was checking for a blood clot in my lung since my recent needle biopsy. I had a chest x-ray that was okay. He ordered a CT scan of my chest. When I got back to the room after that test, I thought I was having a heart attack. I had crushing pain across my chest and back and couldn't breathe.

They thought I may be having a reaction to the contrast dye. They gave me 2 Nitro tablets, EKG's, and I don't know what other drugs before the pain went away. Because of this, I had to have a stress test.

At some point during this whole ordeal, I remember breaking down and crying. Ronnie and Clarice were there and the E.R. nurse. I think her name was Stephanie.  "I don't think I can do this," I said. I went on to say that I felt like I was letting everyone down. I'm supposed to be the strong one who takes care of everyone else.

What if I cry sometimes?  Will they think I'm not strong? 

It's not fair.  I thought I was doing all the right things.  I'm healthy.  I take care of myself.  

Stephanie held my hand and told me that my body was trying to tell me that this is what I needed to be doing right now. I need to let my family step up and take care of me for awhile.  She assured me how I was feeling was normal.

I don't remember much about the rest of the hospital visit only that I had to stay overnight. The next day as I was waiting to be discharged, Clarice got sick and started vomiting. She was given her own bed in the E.R. and Ron and I had to wait for her to be discharged. As we were getting ready to leave, Ron drove her van a short distance from the parking lot to the entrance, and because of the ice, slid into two poles and damaged both passenger side doors. I'm sure this is not a birthday any of us will soon forget.

Lord, a lot has happened since that day. I've done some reading about anxiety after a cancer diagnosis. Our bodies go into a flight or fight response while our minds try to decide how to react to this new danger. Will we be positive and help our bodies fight this disease or be pessimistic and fall into a deeper depression where we aren't able to fight?

I choose to stand on Your word!

Psalm 57:2-3 

I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word.

Psalm 31:7

I am overcome with joy because of God's unfailing love, for He has seen my troubles, and he cares about the anguish of my soul.

Psalm 119:50

This is my comfort and consolation in my affliction: that your word has revived me and given my life.

Isaiah 26:3

You will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You, and hope confidently

in You.

You know those tears at the hospital weren't the first or the last but You are with me always. You don't slap me around and tell me that I'm weak, but you pick me up and carry me and for that I am thankful.

Life Interrupted continued here.

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Life Interrupted: How It All Began

If you are new to Vicky's story, you may want to begin here.

Life Interrupted

The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter

by Victoria Overholt

Lord, I need to move along with this journal as so much has happened since December. I guess I will get most of the ugliness out of the way, not to bring any kind of glory to the darkness... but because you tell us not to be ignorant of the schemes of the devil.

Ron & Vicky with Clarice and family

Your word says in Ephesians 6:12-13 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand." 

I'm standing, thanks to You and the prayers and encouragement of your people.

I can think back and see the battle. One night before I was even diagnosed or had the biopsy, I woke up with a horrible thought in my mind. The thought was that I would rather die than lose a breast. Who, but the enemy of my soul, would put that thought in my mind. Of course, I happen to like being a woman, but I'm not so vain as to sacrifice my life. That was the first of many times I had to rebuke the enemy. 

After my diagnosis, I wasn't sleeping well. If I did I would have horrible dreams. I guess even now I
can't write them down. I've thought many times back to 1985 when my doctor found two lumps, one in each breast and said they needed to come out. When he did a pre-op check, the one on the right was gone. The one on the left was removed and was benign. Because of that, he told me I should have mammograms every year and that I had fibrocystic breast disease. He told me to cut down on caffeine and do self-exams. 

Lord, you know I've been doing that. I've tried to be healthy. I've done the self-exams. I've had mammograms every year for all these years. 

In the spring of 2010, I found a lump on my right breast. I kept checking it and it would come and go with my cycle.

The doctor who had removed my previous lump had retired so I went to an OB/GYN office where Clarice was going.  I had the lump checked out.  She told me if it would come and go with my cycle that it was probably a cyst and nothing to worry about. She ordered an ultrasound which showed a cluster of benign fluid filled cysts. 

I continued to check it... it continued to come and go. 

In the Spring of 2011 when I went for my annual physical, it was checked again. It was still there. I went for my mammogram and they also did some magnifications. The mammogram was negative. 

All through the summer and fall, it came and went. Then one night in November, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme, sharp, shooting pain in the lump area. From that time on, I knew something was different and it wasn't going away. 

I wonder if the doctor's believe me or anyone believes me when I tell them that's what happened. People will ask me if I can feel it. Yes, I can feel it. The doctor tells me she thinks its been there about a year and a half. She thinks it was hidden somewhere among the cysts. That makes me ill to think about. 

Lord, you know I wouldn't walk around with a 4.2 cm tumor and do nothing. It presents itself
as larger than that so they don't think all that can be felt is cancerous. So the enemy comes along and tries to tell me that it's my fault. 

If only.... 

What if....

You should have...

Pastor Don and Lisa reassure me that they are lies and to cast down all evil imaginations. They told me I did all I could have done and who knows if I still might be at this place no matter what I may have done differently. 

My doctors assure me I did all I could have done. One doctor told me that the mammogram is actually a very poor test but it's all we've got.

Then there's the disclaimer at the bottom of the mammogram results stating that if you have dense breasts it's harder to pick out the masses that may be there.

Lord, you know I can't think about those things anymore. The journey is here and I have to fight, but not alone. You are with me and my friends and family and your many faithful prayer warriors. I really hadn't wanted to tell anyone about this, still.. as people were told and started praying for me, I could feel the answers to those prayers and Your peace surrounding me.

I am here to expose the darkness by your word that we might not be ignorant. I would encourage any who don't know You Lord, to call out to You and accept You into their life. I would encourage those who know You, to know the authority we have as believers.

I stand on your word!

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance( to the full, till it overflows).

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear , but of power and of love and a sound mind.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

I can't even imagine going through this without You in my life, Lord. I'm leaning on Your everlasting arms.

More Family Photos

Daughter Angie with husband, Dustin

Baby Trinity

Life Interrupted continued here.

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Life Interrupted: A New Journey Begins

There's no good time in life to hear the word 'cancer', yet for so many, it is the unwelcome reality that they face.  One short word, yet so many complexities that interrupt the rhythms of a happy life.

My friend, Victoria, is facing this interruption.  Christmas had just passed when she discovered an unwelcome visitor within her body and life changed...   But I'm getting ahead of the story.  Let's back up and allow me to tell you a little bit about Vicky's life.

Vicky and Ron

Victoria turned 50 in May 2011. Throughout her life she has been a stay at home mom, a factory worker, medical assistant and worked in Guest Services at the Holiday Inn Express.   She and her husband, Ron have gone through some difficulties over the years. Twice they lost work through factories closing - the later forcing Ron into early retirement, yet through it all they maintained the firm belief that God is good.

In September of last year, Vicky began caring for their newest granddaughter, Trinity Ann, who is now seven months old and according to Victoria, "the best boss ever".

This coming April, Ron and Victoria plan to celebrate their 20th anniversary. Ronnie came into her life when Victoria's youngest was 4 and together they have raised their combined five children - Angie Overholt Jasper, age 37, Jason Overholt, age 35, Clarice Brooks Beck, age 31, Austin Brooks, age 29 and Derek Brooks, age 26.

Today, they have eleven wonderful grandchildren and enjoy getting together as a family, having cookouts and just watching the kids play.

Vicky holding Trinity

As she begins her journey through cancer, chemo and all that it brings, I've invited her to share her thoughts along the way.  She was more than willing to do that and I hope that not only will this inspire you to pray for Victoria, but also to live your lives with the same gratitude and joy I see in Vicky's.

Derek & Tabby

Austin, Tia and boys

Here's Vicky:

Ok Lord, I'm writing... 

You know I have been encouraged by my friends and family to journal. It's been 45 days since my life was "officially" interrupted.

I wasn't ready back then to write about it and I thought for sure I would be able to remember every detail about that day. I'm sure it's because of your mercy that I don't.

I got the phone call from my doctor around 10 am December 29th a Thursday. I was sitting in the Adirondack loveseat in our mudroom, one of the few places I can get a good phone signal. I sat there and listened as he told me the fine needle biopsy from my breast lump came back positive for cancer. 

He talked to me for probably an hour. I'm sure there was a lot I didn't even hear. I wish I could say that my first thought was , "God I trust you. God I trust you," but, Lord, you know it wasn't. Nothing is hidden from you. You know that my first thought was that I don't want to die.  I listened as Doc told me that this is a bump in the road. There's surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. He assured me that I wasn't a monster, that I was still Vicky. 

Well, a monster is what I felt like. I only wanted this "enemy" out of me as soon as possible. He told me I would have to have some other tests done to make sure it wasn't anyplace else in my body.  Fear gripped my heart at the possibility. The phone call ended. I honestly don't even remember if I cried then.

Ron and I sat down at the dining room table. He had been listening to my side of the conversation. Lord, I didn't want to tell this news to anyone. Of course, I had to.

I called my daughter, Clarice. I don't remember any of the conversation. I think I may have given her a list of people to call. I called my friend Betty. I do remember her saying she was sorry and she would tell Pastor Don. I know I didn't want people to feel sorry for me but to stand with me and pray for me.

I remember walking through the rooms of our house. This house that was an amazing blessing that you gave to us God, only a few months ago. I looked out of the windows. My thoughts were rampant... 

How many more times would I look out this window? 

How many more nights would I share this bedroom? 

How many more times would I get to see our wonderful grandchildren playing in the pool in our backyard? Even now I fight back the tears as I think about it.

Clarice came over later and was helping me hang up some clothes in my closet. She hugged me and said the only thing she asked of me was that I wouldn't give up.  "Of course I'm not going to give up," I told her. I wasn't sure what that meant. Does it mean I can't be sad? Does it mean I can't cry? Is that what it means to be strong?

Lord, I know that when I am weak, you are strong.  I know, Lord, that you didn't give this to me. It says in Your Word in 1 John 3:8, For this purpose the Son of Man was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil.

Isaiah 53:5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquites, the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed.

You knew Lord, before I did and that I would need You. Before I even had this confirmed diagnosis, you spoke to me. 

Ron and I were driving to Rod and Betty's one night. I was looking out the window into the darkness. I heard Your voice so clearly in my heart and mind. You said to me, "I'm holding you, I'm holding you." I said to You, "but I'm afraid."

You said to me, "Don't be afraid, I'm holding you."

Lord, this journey continues and I say to You, "Thank you for holding me. Don't stop holding me."

Life Interrupted Continued Here.

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