Cherish Today

I lay staring at the ceiling late into the night.

Somewhere a mother was grieving over the loss of her son while my own lay sleeping in his bed,  blissfully unaware that in the morning he'd face an empty desk in class, one less friend on the basketball court and the stark reminder that we are mortals.

My mind raced.. searching for answers,  longing for wisdom.

How does a mother help her child deal with loss?  How would I tell him that his friend was gone?

Denial was my preference.  I would much prefer to allow my children the pleasure of pain-free living, but with death comes an inconvenient truth.

It is raw...and real.

It hurts.

And it is no respecter of persons.

Breakfast was somber.  Moments of silent contemplation mixed together with memories shared and questions asked.  I looked into the eyes of my babies, "This moment is a gift.   We aren't promised tomorrow... which doesn't mean we live in fear... it simply means we love harder...we speak kinder... we cherish... we say 'I'm sorry'... we forgive quickly… so that no matter what this day brings, we can face life with no regrets."

At the school,  I parked and went inside. I told myself I needed to walk my children in… needed to make sure that they'd be ok. But the truth was, I just needed to be with them a little longer.

The tears I'd held back since I heard the news jumped to the surface as I stood in the hall and watched my 10-year-old walk away.

Yes, I know that I can't be with him every moment of every day. I know that I can't protect my children from the pain of this broken world. I know that I can't shield them from tears and grief and death.

And, yes, I know that our lives are in God's hands. And, yes, that gives me comfort.

But I also know that the raw pain of loss cannot be wrapped up neatly with words. It cannot be covered over with ribbons and bows... set aside for another day... another time.

It must be faced.

It must be acknowledged.

For in the process of our grief, we give our loved one value. We recognize their worth in our lives... We acknowledge the gift of who they were to us.

And through it all, we find ourselves clinging to the hand of a sovereign God who will one day wipe away all tears in the land where we never say goodbye.

So to you I say the same.

Love harder... speak kinder... cherish... say 'I'm sorry'…forgive quickly… for today is a precious, fleeting gift.

By the Rivers of Babylon

By the rivers of Babylon,

There we sat down, yea, we wept

When we remembered Zion.

We hung our harps

Upon the willows in the midst of it.

For there those who carried us away captive asked of us a song,

And those who plundered us requested mirth,

Saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”

How shall we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?

Psalm 137

I don't always understand His ways.

Don't understand.

Where is He when we find ourselves sitting by the rivers of Babylon, mourning all that is lost... grieving at the sight of empty chairs and fatherless sons?  Where is He when strength runs low, inviting us to hang our harps on the willows and fall broken to the ground?

Where is joy... where can peace be found when tragedy strikes the one sitting next to you?

How can we sing the songs of the Lord when eyes spill tears and throats burn strong?

How?  And why?  And where?  Where is this King of Glory you ask?  Where is He now?

Where is He now?

And this I will say.  This I know...

I don't understand His ways - but it is in these moments of darkness I cling tighter... press in harder... cry out louder.  It is in these moments of desperate seeking that I find peace simply by being in His presence.

There I see His own eyes, liquid spilling down and arms longing to hold brokenness.  In His presence, I am undone by a joy unexpected and compassion overwhelming.  

In His presence, I am wrecked by love.

I may not understand... but I know peace in the center of devastation simply because I. know. Him.

We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality.

He’s been through weakness and testing,

experienced it all—all but the sin.

So let’s walk right up to Him and get what He is so ready to give.

Take the mercy, accept the help.

Hebrews 4

Jesus wept.

John 11:35

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