Titus2Woman: Phyllis

You’ve told me how much the Titus2Woman series has encouraged you - and I’m glad.  So many of us as young women and mothers can relate to them in different ways.  We’ve battled depression, we’ve lost babies, we’ve lost parent’s.  Some of us wonder what we have to offer in comparison.  Our lives seem easy-peesy in the face of our friends’, yet I stand by the belief that we all have something to offer those around us.

Today, I want to introduce you to my friend (and Tim’s aunt), Phyllis.  I have known her for most of my life, and I appreciate her spunk and love for life.  She is an incredibly hard worker and I admire that in her as well.

As with the other women, I sent Phyllis a list of questions and here is how she answered them.  If this blesses you, please pass it on to other women... and feel free to drop me a line - I’ll pass your comments on to Phyllis as well.

Now, meet Phyllis:

Hi, I'll start by telling you a little about myself.  I have been married to Lowayne Yoder for 33 years.

  

Our oldest son, Jonathon, is 32 years old and has 2 boys and 3 girls.  Their ages range from 10 to 5 (and they are in the process of adopting 2 children from Uganda).  Jonathon is married to Carissa and they farm with us. 

Jon, Carissa, Ben, Madi, Zoe, Max & Mia

Mark is 30 years old and lives at our home.  He was born with Cerebral Palsy.  Mark works at K-mart two days each day, as a greeter. 

Monica is 28 years old and lives at our home. She is the secretary/bookkeeper at Yoder and Sons trucking and Meadowbrook Farms.  

Jasmine came to live with us several years ago and is currently in college.

Jessica, Monica & Jasmine

Jessica is 26 yrs old and is married to Josh Berkshire. They live in Nappanee, Ind. She is working at Burkholder Dutch Village. 

Some good memories I have are of my kids using boxes, buckets or whatever they could find to make drums and playing these "drums" while the rest of the kids rollerbladed to the music.  I loved to sneak into the hall and listen to the girls as they played with dolls and were the mom and kids waiting for their dad to come home. 

These are very generic, but good memories. I loved the times we traveled out west in a rented moterhome, listening to Odessey, and enjoying the landmarks all along the way.  

My goals as a young mom were at first to have a perfect family and live happily ever after... as it became real, I truly had a goal to just make it thru the day without screaming. 

It was so busy for me when they were little I didn’t think much about all of that stuff. As they got older, I think I was just treading water. I really wanted my kids to get a good education and be rooted in the Word of God.

Having a handicapped kid was definitely a challenge I didn’t plan on.  It is really hard for me to understand medical stuff, so I was very thankful for Pathfinder center (a local school for disabled kids).   Those gals helped me more than I can explain. 

Going to the grocery store with a newborn, 2 year, 4 year that couldn’t hold his own head up or sit alone, and a 6 year old was... well, I was going to say it was a challenge, but I think it was insane!  One cart was loaded with kids and one with groceries.  I wasn’t about to go every week.  Once a month was more than enough! 

We also lived 25 miles from a major city, so I wasn’t willing to go alone with all the kids often.  At that time though, Lowayne was in the fields sooo much so I needed to just do it. 

I also remember helping Lowayne with harvest.  I would load up all the kids (yep, at least 2 baby chairs) into the tractor, haul wagons to the bins, empty them and take them back (crazy!). 

It is still a challenge to have a disabled adult in our lives, but I am so thankful for God’s grace and strength.

If I could talk to some 20 year old Phyllis, I would have told her to 

• Just buy her veggies at a market and can them - not grow them and weed them.  It is so time consuming.. and really if you could afford it to just buy the stuff canned already.  
• Spend more time with the kids... playing with them and telling them stories and holding their hands, taking them to the zoo, park, woods on a picnic, bike rides and all that kind of stuff.  I am glad we helped to start the LACS school. I was able to spend time investing in the kids that way and after that homeschooling the kids we did spend lots of time together. 
• Just relax and don’t have to have everything done all the time. 
• I would also tell her that it is of utmost importance to keep her relationship with her husband "up to date".  Take time to go away for a weekend, just the two of you at least once a year and go on lots of dates. Its good for the kids to have a break from you and you from them. The kids will (probably) all leave the nest and you and hubby will have to carry on alone together and you want to know each other then. 
• I also think it was good for me to be actively involved in the farming (as much as I could) although it made me crazy busy, because I understood so much more how his business worked and some of the feelings he was having (you know they have a hard time sharing their feelings). 
• One other thing, just be yourself... you don’t have to be everyone else.
• I also would say, share your life with your mom and mom in law. I know of some young ladies that close that door, and I know I was one of those, but I learned that although older ladies are slower, they can do so much to help carry the load and teach the little ones, and just love on all those involved. It is good to have close friends that are your age, but older women need to help by teaching and there is so much fulfillment for all involved.