The Journey of Jehovah Rapha's Daughter
by Victoria Overholt
I have to do things I don't want to do.
I have to read and think about things that I don't want to read or think about.
Heavy on my heart was the fact that our other children needed to be told, and my parents. Clarice told Angie and Jason while Ron and I went that Friday night to tell Austin and Tia.
I remember their three boys were in and out of the room as we were talking, especially Noah. He just wanted to hang out with us and give us hugs. Of course they don't know what's going on.
|The ladies together at Christmas
|And the grandkids
Austin took my hand and told me that he knew whatever I had to go through that I would be strong and would be able to do it. Then he gave me a hug. Tia hugged me and we cried together. She let me know how much she loved me and was here for me.
We left there and went to my parent's house. I was thinking this isn't something I should be telling my 80 year old parents. I should be thinking about how I can be helping them. They were both very positive. My mother who is 82 years old told me that she just knew the cancer was only in my breast and no place else. It's amazing how sometimes she might try my patience but there have been times when she is so clear in her encouragement to me that I know she hears from you, God.
The next day was New Years Eve. Clarice drove me over to Derek and Tabby's to talk to them. My heart was breaking as I told them. Tabby's mother had passed from cancer only a couple of years ago. She and I held each other and cried. Derek hugged me and told me he loved me and we left.
Lord, this is my journey and you are with me, but somehow I feel horrible and blessed at the same time that I have my family and friends to be with me on this journey.
We drove back to Clarice's and I went about making the lasagna that we would have for her birthday the next day. I remember going through the motions of what I was doing but feeling like I was alone even though she and her family were there. It was if I was watching myself doing these things. Lord, you knew what was going on but I didn't. I had a feeling as if I couldn't take a complete breath.
The next day, Sunday, I woke up feeling the same way. Now my hands and my face were tingling. We didn't go to church. I called my doctor/friend who had diagnosed me. He told me I was having anxiety and it was normal given my recent news. He told me to breathe into a paper bag and if that didn't help I should go to the E.R. I sent a text to Clarice and let her know what was going on. She told me she was coming over to get us and taking me to Bronson Hospital E. R. She had postponed her birthday dinner with our family.
The drive there wasn't the greatest with the snow and wind. I got right into the E.R. when we arrived. Shortness of breath and back pain are the ticket in, I guess.
The doctor there was checking for a blood clot in my lung since my recent needle biopsy. I had a chest x-ray that was okay. He ordered a CT scan of my chest. When I got back to the room after that test, I thought I was having a heart attack. I had crushing pain across my chest and back and couldn't breathe.
They thought I may be having a reaction to the contrast dye. They gave me 2 Nitro tablets, EKG's, and I don't know what other drugs before the pain went away. Because of this, I had to have a stress test.
At some point during this whole ordeal, I remember breaking down and crying. Ronnie and Clarice were there and the E.R. nurse. I think her name was Stephanie. "I don't think I can do this," I said. I went on to say that I felt like I was letting everyone down. I'm supposed to be the strong one who takes care of everyone else.
What if I cry sometimes? Will they think I'm not strong?
It's not fair. I thought I was doing all the right things. I'm healthy. I take care of myself.
Stephanie held my hand and told me that my body was trying to tell me that this is what I needed to be doing right now. I need to let my family step up and take care of me for awhile. She assured me how I was feeling was normal.
I don't remember much about the rest of the hospital visit only that I had to stay overnight. The next day as I was waiting to be discharged, Clarice got sick and started vomiting. She was given her own bed in the E.R. and Ron and I had to wait for her to be discharged. As we were getting ready to leave, Ron drove her van a short distance from the parking lot to the entrance, and because of the ice, slid into two poles and damaged both passenger side doors. I'm sure this is not a birthday any of us will soon forget.
Lord, a lot has happened since that day. I've done some reading about anxiety after a cancer diagnosis. Our bodies go into a flight or fight response while our minds try to decide how to react to this new danger. Will we be positive and help our bodies fight this disease or be pessimistic and fall into a deeper depression where we aren't able to fight?
I choose to stand on Your word!
I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word.
I am overcome with joy because of God's unfailing love, for He has seen my troubles, and he cares about the anguish of my soul.
This is my comfort and consolation in my affliction: that your word has revived me and given my life.
You will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You, and hope confidently
You know those tears at the hospital weren't the first or the last but You are with me always. You don't slap me around and tell me that I'm weak, but you pick me up and carry me and for that I am thankful.
Life Interrupted continued here.
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