Imperfect Perfection and this Thing Called Grace

Ahh... the delightfully decorated trees…smiling children… fuzzy socks and twinkling lights.  All shimmering in the flickering glow of a fireplace found perfectly garnished with greenery, stockings and dreams of what Christmas will bring.

These cozy scenes keep cropping up across Facebookland… and if that’s you… I’m happy for you. 

Really. 

I am.

And if I could bring myself to fudge the truth, perhaps I could stage a few scenes that would match those found scattered throughout Pinterest and Twitter.  Maybe, just maybe I could convince you that this is exactly what took place within the four walls of the Carpenter home. 

But alas…  and I sigh.

In my corner of the world, few see the beauty of perfectly spaced ornaments, festive sweaters, and the calming harmonies of harp strings singing out the melodious notes of “Silent Night”.    I am raising three boys after all.  (My daughter is my only ally.)

Trust me, when raising boys there are no festive sweaters…. no steaming mugs of hot apple cider… no sweet pleasantries given and received while placing the star perfectly settled upon the highest bough.

Even our fireplace has failed me.  It happens to be on wheels… and it needs an outlet.

The truth is, around our house the ornaments sat in a box for days on end until Mama Bear began using it as leverage. 

“You want electronic time?  Go hang twenty ornaments on the tree… then we’ll talk.”

“You hit your brother?  That’s it, Buster – that’s twenty-five ornaments for you!”  (“But mo-ooooom..”)

After three days, there were only a couple dozen left rolling around in the bottom of the box, so I called it good and shoved it in the crawl space to wait out the next several weeks until the Holidays are over.

I concur… it’s not what it could be.  Maybe not even what it should be. 

But it’s life.  And it’s real…and perhaps just as memorable as any other picture-perfect holiday scene.

This season of life is busy, but tonight I finally took some time, dug out some fuzzy socks and settled in next to the tree.  The star was crooked, but I ignored it as I asked child number three to roll the fireplace up next to me.   The steaming mug of coffee brought a comforting warmth to my hands and in that moment, I discovered a beauty all it’s own.

True, Silent Night still couldn’t be heard over the din of the boys decking the halls.  (No really… they tend to bang into the walls as they bump down the stairs on their worn out sleeping bags.)   But, in spite of the chaos, I had to think… life doesn’t always happen like we think it could… not even always like traditions say it should… our tree trimming experience is proof of that.

But then there’s this messy thing called grace.

That unconventional gift all wrapped up with the Advent of Jesus.

See, Mary’s first Christmas wouldn’t have been one to brag about on Instagram.  No professional photographer was there to capture the happy occasion… only an inexperienced, uncertain husband… and some cattle. 

Smelly shepherds guests could never take the place of showing off baby to Grandma and Grandpa… and who among us would want to allow strangers from a strange land to conduct our firstborn’s baby shower?

Imperfect perfection.

That’s what it was.

Neither her surroundings, nor her possessions were the things which gave Mary joy. 

It was the presence of one tiny Baby.

Her entire focus fell upon a Child who came with no other desire than to give a broken world the gift of His redeeming love… a love that looks beyond our crooked imperfections.  A grace that sees beyond our failed traditions, broken dreams and messy lives.

He knows all our successes and all our failures. He knows what gets cropped out of the family photos –

and He loves us anyway.

I finished my cup of coffee, and smiled.  The star on top of the tree still leaned heavily towards the north, but I let it go.

It was placed there by the hands of a child - one of my own who isn’t yet tall enough to do it with perfection… and I love it.  It’s my reminder, that comparison will never bring joy and contentment….  Those are the presents that can only be found within the presence of that tiny Christmas Baby.  

The One Who came to cover our imperfections with His perfect gift called grace.

Catching Up

It's been a long time since I've posted.  A really long time!

I love this time of year, but, OH MY WORD!  It get so crazy busy!

Here's a little of what's been happening in our neck of the woods (wow, I felt like Al Roker when I said that).

From the middle of November until umm... today actually, we've had a lot on our plate.  Ty had his basketball season.  There were Christmas parties and programs.  We celebrated our anniversary (a little late).  I finished up a two year writing course (ok, I'm jumping the gun - I finish it this week).  We started adding a garage on to our house.  We traveled to Texas.  I worked with a talented team of people at church on our Advent programs.  We spent time with families over Christmas.  The list goes on.

To get back into my blogging world, I thought I'd tell a little bit about each one of these.

Basketball - I love watching my kids play sports.  So far, we've chosen to allow only two per year.  How do you as parents of multiple children handle the sports schedules?  Do you do more than one per year?  What have you learned?

Christmas parties and programs - We had a blast watching our kids at their respective Christmas programs.  This year it was only Corey and Kobe.  Those little guys bring so much joy to my life (if you're a Facebook friend I'm sure you've read their quotes from time to time) and I loved watching the delight on their faces while they stood standing on stage.

For our 14th Anniversary, we went to Traverse City, Michigan.  I have to say, I had no idea how beautiful it was up there!  We stayed at a lovely resort, got massages, traveled through wine country, visited a lighthouse, got another massage (I got a facial), ate cheesecake.... ahh... it was wonderful!

The writing course - I'll tell ya more when I'm officially done.  Then I'll be expecting blaring horns, confetti and lots of whoo-hooing!  :)

In November, we took a fast trip to Texas to my cousin's wedding.  It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to.  It was outdoors and the skies were overcast which made the vintage twenties decor look even more stunning.  Wish I had some pics, but I doubt they would do justice to the beauty of it all!


The garage?  Well, it's an ongoing event.  Right now, we're using our back door - which means trekking through chunks of mud or snow to get in and out, but I'm not complaining!  I am so excited to have a garage - what's a little dirt?


For Christmas, we went to my mom and dad's for the night where we eyed one another with great distrust while playing "Mafia" then laughed till our bellies hurt playing Balderdash.  The next day, Tim and I packed up, raced home, unpacked, took a nap, repacked and raced to the lodge his family goes to each year for a couple of days.  There we were able to relax, visit, put a puzzle together and play kickball and prisoner's base together.  And WHOA, can you say competitive?  We played for blood... and it was fun!!  :) I paid for it though - my muscles hurt for a couple of days!  Love family time! 

On New Year's Eve, we celebrated with our church family where we had a great time playing basketball and volleyball.  Unfortunately, I discovered a few other muscles to hurt since the kickball ones had recovered.  :-p

The highlight of the Christmas season for me though was Advent.  Like I said, I worked with a great group of people and we were able to put together a series about God's faithfulness.  My faith was given a huge boost by just hearing and writing the stories that were shared.

It was incredible to me to see the despair so many had faced in 2011 and yet God was so faithful through it all.

Check back tomorrow - I'm working on a post about dealing with loss, so pass it on to those who you think might be encouraged from it.  And later this week - another Titus2Woman!!

Mary Monologue

The following is a monologue I wrote for advent at my church this year.  I hope it will encourage you this Christmas!

“There’s a star, Mary.”  Joseph’s words still ring in my ears.  I was sitting by the manger entranced by the splendor of new life.  Baby Jesus was sleeping and I couldn’t stop drinking in the beauty of his dark eyelashes brushing against his cheek.  The profile of his tiny nose, the smell of his soft, warm skin, his ten little fingers…ten tiny toes…  it was a moment I’ll never forget.

I turned at Joseph’s words, “A star?”

He nodded, “Yes, you should come see it.”

I turned back to gaze at my newborn son.  If I were to be honest, I was tired.  Stepping outside to gaze at the stars didn’t really appeal to me.  By that point, my body ached and I was still weak from the hours and hours of labor I had just experienced.  More than that, I was weak in spirit.

I had just witnessed the miracle of birth, yes.  I knew that the Child laying there before me was the Son of Almighty God.  I knew that what I was living through was unlike anything any other woman had ever experienced before me… still a virgin, yet I had given birth.  

But even that couldn’t stop the doubts racing through my mind.  Why had God chosen me?  ME!  Mary of Nazareth!  I was a simple girl from a simple town and there was nothing exceptional about me! 

I had never doubted God the Father’s wisdom before, yet now as I sat there, alone, far from home, overwhelmed and afraid, I couldn’t help but question.

Thankful though I was for a roof over my head, I squirmed in embarrassment and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy.  What had Joseph and I missed?  How was it that we hadn’t been better prepared for Jesus’ arrival?  When had everything gone so wrong?  The Messiah should never have entered the world in these conditions!  What must God be thinking of us?  Was He even now questioning His choice in calling me to be the mother of His only Son?

As I sat staring at the most beautiful and precious Child I had ever seen, I was filled with fear.  Panic gripped at my soul as I considered all I had studied in the past nine months.  I knew why He had come!  I knew what He was called to do!  Still, I fought it with every fiber of my being!  The love I felt for Jesus was so strong it consumed me.  I grabbed His tiny fist, terrified, longing to run away with Him – to protect Him from the evil in the world.  “Why?”  I began to cry softly.  “Why had God called me to this?  The path before me was daunting.  If God knew me better than I could ever know myself, why, in all His infinite wisdom, did He call me, this ordinary young woman, to such an extra-ordinary life?

“Mary?”  I saw Joseph again through the soft glow of the doorway and I quickly brushed away my tears.  “Come love,” his voice was full of an excitement I didn’t feel. “Come see the star.”  As he spoke, he came to me, and gently lifted me up into his arms. With great care, he took me outside.  The night air was cool against my skin, and I remember being surprised by the group of shepherds that had gathered outside our door.  Most of the men were gazing up into the dark sky, pointing excitedly as they called to one another.

Joseph set me to my feet and I turned to see where everyone was pointing.  What I saw left me breathless.  I gasped in disbelief!  There, above that little stable, shone the brightest and largest star I had ever seen.  It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed before.  The light glowed so brightly, I could feel it’s warmth on my face.

Immediately, my mind went to my encounter with the angel nearly a year ago.  Then I recalled the moment when I experienced the presence of God’s Spirit coming over me.  Like those significant moments, I knew that this, too, was a miracle.

A shepherd behind me spoke, softly, “This star!  It has led us to the Messiah!”

Tears filled my eyes as I realized what the star signified.  Just moments before, I had felt like a failure.  I was certain that I couldn’t be the person God was calling me to be.  I felt terrified and alone.  But now, here, I was reminded of the faithfulness of the God I served.  He had been with me during the difficult days of announcing my pregnancy to friends and family.  He had provided my every need throughout the past nine months.  He had changed the heart of Joseph, the man I loved, to believe that this Child was, indeed, the promised Messiah.  And…I turned to look again at the simple little stable before me, and yes, He had led us to this place.

I was immediately reminded of the words in the Holy Scriptures of Isaiah where the Lord declares, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways!”

The star was there to lead people to Jesus.  And on that beautiful silent night in Bethlehem, that star led me to the feet of the One who loved me.  There I discovered it wasn’t about how weak and frail I was, it wasn’t about my inadequacies or my doubts – instead, I realized what He had called me to, was for the purpose of bringing glory… and honor… and admiration… and praise to Him!  The star stands to remind us that God uses our weaknesses to convey His power to a world that He so desperately loves!

I think back to that night often and the truth is this, many unknowns still lie before us, but look to the star! 

There are times we are called to take steps on a path we cannot see - follow to the star! 

There are circumstances we are called to face – but remember… remember the star!

There will be sorrows and joy!  There will be gain and loss… but my people, never forget the Star!  There you will find the One who came to give you a life of joy, peace, and love.  He will never leave you alone!  He is and always will be faithful.

There’s a Star, my friend.  Come to Him to find peace.   His name is Jesus and He is the Bright Morning Star.