Miscarriage: Erin M's Story

This morning my brother reminded me that today would have been the due date of their little one.  The heavy sadness I felt surprised me.  What could have been a day full of joy and excitement was instead a day filled with laundry and a cranky Kobe.

Yet, I can't help but think about what God has done through the loss we have experienced and I will continue to praise Him for it.

When Elizabeth told her story several weeks ago, I heard from so many women.  Women who expressed their gratitude for the encouragement they found within the words that Elizabeth shared.  I've posted some of their stories here, and today I have another that I want to pass along to you.

Erin M. is a mother of two.  She and her husband, Adam, experienced a miscarriage with her first pregnancy.  Here is Erin's story:

 

I just read Elizabeth's story and wanted to let both of you know how glad I am that she shared her experience.  I also had a miscarriage at nine weeks with my first pregnancy.  It was a horrible experience and my faith was weak.  I was angry with God for a long time.   

Actually, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I think I was angry until I got pregnant again.  I felt as if I had lost all of my hopes and dreams for having a child.  I know so much more now.  Like the fact that I can't depend on my "feelings" for truth but I can depend on the word.   

Then after I was pregnant again came an almost paralyzing fear which I now know was the devil's work.  I did have a very difficult pregnancy.  I began bleeding early in my second pregnancy and thought for sure I was losing my second child.  I sought help from my obgyn right away and got on hormones to help my body maintain the pregnancy.   

The battle was not over though, I had a pregnancy, like many with nausea and vomiting and then at about 5 months came the pre-term contractions.  Abigayle Pauline was born 6 weeks early, I got to hold her tiny blue body for only seconds before they whisked her away to the NICU.   

Once again I feared for my baby's life.  Abigayle was in the NICU for two weeks.  She was only on the ventilator for 1 day though.  I was there with her every moment that I could be but it ripped my heart out to leave her each night.  Abigayle grew and in eight more months I was very surprised to find out that I was already three months pregnant again!   

I had another difficult pregnancy with pre-term labor beginning at twenty-nine weeks.  I was on bedrest for over two months, but God gave us a healthy baby boy!  Finally I got to keep my baby with me. No one was taking him away.  It was my dream come true.   

Abigayle and Owen today

Today I have two healthy, strong children!  God IS good! I have often wondered about my first baby.  I used to really wonder if my baby was in heaven.  

I recently read the book "Heaven is for Real".  It is about a boy who went to heaven and came back.  In the book the boy talks about his sister.  You see his mother had a miscarriage before he was born and had never told the boy about it.  When the boy returned from heaven he told his mother that he missed his sister, he had seen her in heaven!  When I read about this I was at work on a break and I started to cry.  I thought of my baby in heaven and that some day I will get to meet my baby.  I don't know why I questioned it before.  

Reading this boy's account of seeing his sister just really made it hit home.  I was joyful, but it opened an old wound.  A wound from losing my baby, that had never healed.  Over the next couple of nights I would lay in bed and bawl.  I didn't understand.  I thought I had put this all behind me.  Turns out I hadn't, and I needed to have that time to grieve.

You see I thought I had grieved when it happened, but I was too angry to grieve.  It was almost like I hadn't forgiven God.  I had accepted it, but I was still wounded.  Carrying around this unforgiveness for, of all people, my Savior.  Can you believe that?!

As I write my story I can see how weak my faith has been, and how silly it is to withhold forgiveness to my Lord and Savior.  But....God is good.  He never left my side.  I didn't realize I had such pain left inside. I'm so thankful that he has revealed it.  It is so freeing.  I can see that God is doing a work in me and I am proud to say now that I believe that He will bring it to fruition!

If you would like to contact Erin or I, we would love to hear from you!  Email me here and I will pass it along to Erin.

Miscarriage - Krista's Story

I've heard from many different women about their own experiences with miscarriages and infertility.  Several touched my heart so much and have been sitting in my inbox waiting for me to post them here for you as well.

Today’s post is from Krista who has experienced three miscarriages. She and her husband, Caleb are still waiting, praying and believing for a child someday. What I found so encouraging through the words of Krista, was the trust she had in God while in the middle of heartbreak.

Her experiences remind me that God is in control and no matter what we face in life, He is there, ready and willing to give us the grace, strength and peace we need for what lies ahead.

Here’s Krista:

With my first pregnancy, Caleb and I found out I was pregnant around six weeks.  I went in for my first appointment at twelve weeks.  The doctor performed the regular checkup and then began looking for a heartbeat.  He was unable to find one and said it might be a little early.  I knew at that point that something was wrong - usually you can pick up a strong heart beat at nine weeks. 

The doctor sent me home with plans to schedule an ultrasound.  I remember laying in my bed, bawling my eyes out.  I knew something was wrong.  Caleb had to go back to work, so my mom went in with me for the ultrasound. 

The technician performing the scan said nothing due to hospital policy, but all I saw on the screen was an empty sac where the baby was supposed to be.  She sent me home and told me that the doctor would call me in the morning.   I was so frustrated!  I wanted to ask, “Are you kidding me?  You want me to wait until tomorrow for you to tell me the obvious - that my baby is gone?!”  

At that point I started getting very bitter and angry, asking God WHY? Why did this have to happen to ME?!  What did I do to deserve this?!  We went back in the next day.  Soon the doctor came into the room with the words I didn’t want to hear.  

“I have bad news,” he said.   My heart sank as he went on to tell us that the baby had died between one to four weeks.  What I had now was called a blighted ovum (empty sac).   At this point, my hormones were still telling my body that I was pregnant - even though there was no baby.  This was the cause for my continued pregnancy symptoms.  

The doctor tole me that I had two options - have a D & C procedure or simply allow my body to take care of it naturally.  I chose the latter.

A week later, I woke up early with more pain that I had ever been in in my life.  It was a long, emotional day.  Thankfully, my mom was able to come over to offer me support. 

After supper that night, I knew it was over.  We placed our baby’s remains in a little box and buried it in my parent’s flowerbed.  It was so difficult for me to let go - to say “good-bye”.  Caleb dug the hole and I put the box in and he wanted me to cover it, but I couldn't. 

Weeks past and I would find myself crying, asking God why.  It was really hard on me when I found out my friends were getting pregnant and having babies.  Oh, I was happy for them... but there was something deep down that just hurt.  It was during this time that a friend gave me a book called 'In a Heartbeat' and I found so much encouragement within its pages. 

Nine months later, February 1, 2010, I discovered I was pregnant for the second time.  I can't begin to describe the feelings that I had that day.  I was excited, nervous and scared all at the same time.  I told my dad and right away I started crying, he held me and said that everything was going to be ok.  He prayed for me and the baby's protection.  

Determined not to take any chances, I called the doctor right away.   This baby was going to go to full term!  

At my first checkup, they performed an ultrasound and to my delight we could see the baby although the heartbeat was faint.  According to my calculations, I was just over seven weeks along, yet the baby wasn’t measuring quite that big.  The doctor scheduled another ultrasound for the following week.  We left excited at the news that by the next visit we would be able to see and hear the heartbeat!  

A week later I was back.  I lay there on the table amazed at the most beautiful sound I had ever heard - our baby’s heartbeat.  145 beats per minute.  The technician printed off pictures and with a smile on her face informed us that everything was looking great!  It was music to my ears.  

I felt great over the next several weeks.  I even got to spend a week in Florida with my mom, my aunt and my grandma. I kept thanking God for this baby and felt so blessed to not be experiencing morning sickness.  

But the morning I returned home from Florida, I began experiencing the telltale signs that I was once again losing a baby. 

I fell to my knees, crying out to God,  “Noooooo!  No!  This cannot be happening AGAIN, God!   Please, please, don't take my baby!  You have no idea how bad I want this child, God.”  Tears fell down my face as I begged for the life of my child.   “I can't go through this again, God.”  But suddenly my prayer changed.  Instead of focusing on my own wants and desires, I prayed that He would give me a peace and understanding for whatever lay ahead.  I struggle to find the words for what happened next.  For in that moment, a peace entered that little bathroom where I knelt.  A peace like I’ve never experienced before.  I stood and walked out that door, a brokenhearted woman, yes, but a woman who had peace that God was in control.  

We told our family and friends that I was afraid I was losing the baby and they began praying.  I took to the couch, hoping that complete rest was the answer.  The peace stayed with me, and I felt that no matter what happened, everything was going to be ok. 

I had a lot of ups and downs throughout the following week.  The devil played with my mind so much telling me it was my fault that I wasn't keeping my babies and that I wasn't good enough.   On March 24th, Caleb took me to the hospital where another little life slipped from my body.  

I’ll never forget the moments I had as I laid there on my hospital bed - just talking to God.  That peace He had gifted me with earlier was still present and I relished in the beauty of it.  Peace like that... in moments like that... that’s a peace that can only come from Him!

As I waited for the D & C, friends and family stopped in to pray and encourage me.  Later my mom would tell me that her and my dad were amazed at my demeanor.  

“You didn’t look like a person who was going through a loss like that,” she said.   

I simply smiled, “That... that was all God! It was His peace that brought me through.” 

On our wedding day

Time went by and I continued to long for a baby.  Even now as I look back, I see God’s hand working in our lives though.  While I questioned God, wondering when He would grant me the desires of my heart.  But it was in that time that Caleb and I were able to make a life-changing trip to the Dominican Republic.  I know now that I wouldn’t have been able to go if I had been pregnant.

After we returned from the D.R., Caleb and I discussed whether we were ready.  The memories of the past two miscarriages brought a lot of “what if’s” to our minds and we weren’t always on the same page about what to do.

Through the next several months, I came to a place of needing to fully rely on God and His perfect will.  Caleb and I had finally agreed that we were ready to try for another pregnancy, but now, it wasn’t happening.  One negative result followed another and I struggled with the whispered lies of the enemy, telling me that I wasn’t good enough to be a mom... that this was somehow my fault... so many emotions!

One day I sat at my parent’s kitchen table crying my eyes out as I told them my struggles.  They encouraged me, reminding me that my life was in God’s hands.

“Ok God, its all in Your hands. In Your perfect timing it will happen.”

That November, I took a pregnancy test on our anniversary and to my astonishment, it was positive! 

We spent the day excited and happy as we celebrated this precious gift, but only six days later we were once again hearing the words that felt like a knife in our hearts.  I had miscarried once again.

Caleb and I held each other as I cried.  I remembered that peace God had given me in the previous miscarriage and I begged for His comfort once more and He graciously responded.

The Sunday morning after my third miscarriage, there was no way I was going to stay home.  I needed the comfort and encouragement of my church family!  And how thankful I am that I went.  A group of ladies surrounded me, prayed for me and whispered verses of encouragement.  

One that I cling to is this “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 

It’s been two months since we lost our third angel baby.  Since then, I’ve done some doctoring and have a game plan for the next time.  I don't know when that will be, but I know God's timing is perfect.  I believe that in His perfect timing we will have a baby.

Yes, it's been difficult and I've asked God why, why do we have to go through this for a third time? I still have my moments when all I can do is cry.  It’s in those moments that I feel God's arms wrap around me and I know our three Angel Babies are perfectly safe in His arms and one day we'll get to see them and hold them. 

NOTE:  Caleb and Krista are currently preparing to serve in mission work in Nicaragua.  You can follow their story here.

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.  Philippians 4:13 MES

Elizabeth's Song

Several weeks ago I posted about my sister-in-law's miscarriage.  Out of that heartbreak, Elizabeth wrote a song.  Later, she was able to share it with our church one Sunday morning.

Several of you have asked to hear the song and here is the video of that morning.  You'll get to hear her testimony as well!

While you're checking out all these links, hop over to this one and read the miscarriage story of a wonderful woman named Esther.  I know you'll be blessed!

Miscarriage - Angela's Story

After Elizabeth shared her story last week, I received messages and comments from many of you.  The response was a clear reminder to me that losing a child through miscarriage is a devastation - no matter how far along you are.

Some of you shared your stories with me.  Though I personally have never experienced this kind of loss, I heard the pain in your words.  But more than that, I saw a resilience... a steadfastness... a never-gonna-let-go-of-His-hand kind of faith and I knew that these testimonies had to be shared with more than just myself.

Below is Angela's story.  She is a personal friend of mine and I've watched her walk through these miscarriages.  If you have lost a child that you never got to hold in your arms, hope that you will find encouragement in her words.

On Palm Sunday of 2010 I lost my fourth child. We were unexpectedly pregnant and only six weeks along.

We had discovered that we were pregnant after I had an ovarian cyst burst. I had spoken at my MOPS group about being content and thought that my stomach pain was nerves. I am the exact opposite of a public speaker by nature. As soon as the meeting was over I went to the bathroom hoping that my pain was just gas or something. I was wrong. I had never been is such pain and I have delivered a 9 pound baby! I passed out for the first time in my life. I fell on the tile floor, chipping a tooth and zygomatic bone right under my eyebrow. My sister was at the meeting and after being checked out by a nurse friend, we were on our way to the ER. They ran some bloodwork and decided that I was merely lightheaded because I was pregnant and sent me home. They shouldn’t have. Later that night I was in extreme pain. My husband called my mom to watch the kids and we went back to the ER where they finally managed to determine why I was in so much pain. Most ovarian cysts rupture slowly and then just go away. Mine basically exploded. Releasing all sorts of yucky things into my system. Knowing that I was going to be ok, I was done with drama or so I thought.

Two weeks later, I started to spot and then cramp and I knew something was wrong. It was Palm Sunday. We went to church and were hugged and prayed for and then went straight to the ER where we were told the baby was gone. Blood work told them that the baby had been gone long enough for all of the pregnancy hormones to be out of my system. I was devastated. I knew I would be ok. I clung to Christian music as my lifeline. It was the only thing at that time that made me feel close to God. I was angry and hurt that this had even happened but I knew that He had a purpose for this happening. I just had to learn to accept it. The next year seemed to be a constant battle to keep depression away. God has gifted me with a persistent spirit (sounds much nicer than stubborn, doesn’t it?) and I knew that this trial would pass.

February 26th 2011, we saw that faint plus sign on a pregnancy test. I was worried but excited. We had waited an extra two weeks so I was already farther along that I was when we lost the last baby. We didn’t tell people until it was obvious that I was either pregnant or dying from some strange stomach virus. We had an ultrasound at ten weeks to check on things and everything was fine. I felt the baby wiggle in April and was so happy to know that we were going to have a baby! We went to a routine appointment on Monday, May 18th. The receptionist said that our appointment wasn’t until the next day but my husband and I were certain that it was supposed to be that day. They managed to squeeze us in, a miracle in itself, and we were certain everything was fine. The doctor checked for the baby's heartbeat and couldn’t find it. He did a quick ultrasound in the office and couldn’t find it and sent us to the hospital to get a better ultrasound. The technician wouldn’t let me see the images and I knew then that there was no heartbeat. Kevin couldn’t see one either but the technician couldn’t tell us anything because she was following policy. The doctor came in and told us that he didn’t know what had happened but the baby didn’t have a heartbeat and we set up an appointment for the next day to discuss our options. We decided to have a d&c done because of my record of never going into labor on my own, the risk of infection was too great.

This is a note that I wrote on May 26th, 2011, a week after we learned of our baby’s death.

I was beyond broken just a week ago.I learned that the baby in my womb that I had felt wiggle was dead. There was NO heartbeat, the baby was too small, something had happened. My spirit crumbled into a shattered heap. I had lost a baby before but this time I was in the "safe zone." Miscarriages RARELY happen in the second trimester of pregnancy. I was almost 18 weeks but the baby measured only 15. It was so unexpected and it hurt more than I can even explain. But then, the Comforter came to me and said "Worship" and I did. With everything inside of me, I poured out my heart in song, in praise, in silence when I could no longer think and my heart cried to my heavenly daddy.

I had a modified D&C on Wednesday the 18th. I lost a LOT of blood and ended up staying overnight in the hospital and receiving THREE units of blood. My husband was terrified. I was released on Thursday and I was at peace. On Saturday, I stood up from resting because I was very very tired and had overdone it a bit that morning (my brain was in mom-mode and my house was messy...) As I stood up blood gushed down to my knees and my heart cried out to God to save me for my children's sake. I have never been so concerned for my own life before that moment. We went to the ER and it's amazing how quickly they will have you in a room when you tell them that you are gushing blood. :) The dr. came and checked me out and said that this was not as bad as it looked. (Insert ENORMOUS sigh of relief here) I had clotted up inside my uterus from doing too much that morning and when I stood up the clots moved and the blood gushed. It was scary but NOT life threatening. She took some giant q-tips and cleaned out the clots. I still was bleeding too much as far as my past experiences with having three children told me though. I was couch-bound for the rest of the day.

On Sunday, NOTHING could have kept me from church. I was like a spiritual sponge that had been squeezed and hung out to dry. When my heart broke on Monday, ALL I wanted was to be in church. I had every intention of going to church after my operation but that was not in the plan. I sat at church but I didn't want to, I wanted to dance. My dear husband let us go early so I could worship during worship practice as long as I promised NOT to do anything. I was still bleeding too much.

Worship that morning was as close to heaven as I have ever been! :) The first song was MY song for losing my babies. "Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering, thought there's pain in the offering, BLESSED be Your Name....You give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord BLESSED be YOUR NAME." Each song after was a love song to My Savior and about the JOY that came from Him. I was FILLED with joy.

A few dear friends came to me and prayed for healing during worship. They are each such a blessing to my soul and my dear sisters in Him. One spoke of the woman with the issue of blood. I knew how she felt bleeding everywhere all the time, that woman was on my mind ALL day Saturday and Sunday morning. I know that during worship I was touching the hem of my master's garment and that I would be ok. The bleeding nearly stopped after Sunday and I healed up just fine.

I don't understand how just a week after this tragedy that I am not only ok but I am happy and content with my life. I know that He has a plan for me and that this is a path that He has chosen for me and I must walk it for HIS glory and HIS honor. It's not about me. I'm a crumpled mess on my own but with Him I know that I can do anything!! :)

I am so very blessed to have my family there for me and not just my relatives! My brothers and sisters in Christ that have held me up in prayer are a continuous blessing into my day to day life. In this trial, I have learned one thing that I don't think I will ever forget. I am loved beyond my wildest imaginations by my Father and by those around me, that is the beauty in this stage of brokenness.

Do NOT be afraid to say that you are broken. Don't believe that you are not strong enough to get through this trial (I know I am not!) Just trust in Him and in the people that He has put into your life. They are there for a reason!!

Today is the third day of 2012 and I am exactly 18 weeks pregnant. I feel this little one wiggle every day and it helps to fight the fear of losing this child. I know that God is with me and that many of my friends and family are praying for me. No matter what happens with this child I carry I KNOW that this is all part of God’s plan for my life. I am blessed beyond my dreams with three beautiful healthy children and an amazing husband. I treasure them and lean on them on those days when I miss my lost loves.

The littlest things can make you remember what you’ve lost. The due dates are hard. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have a November 19th or October 17th where I don’t cry but that’s ok. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or easy. God put us here to further His kingdom.. This is my path, I don’t walk it alone. He’s there with me...every step...every tear...every laugh...every day.





Angela can read your comments below, or you can contact Angela and I through email.

Sidenote:  Angela is a coupon queen and recently began teaching classes to women in the area.  Read more here on her blog.

Finding Joy While Experiencing Loss

On Father's Day this past June, my sister-in-law, Elizabeth, and brother, Mat, gathered the family together to announce that they were expecting a baby.  Since my four-year-old is the youngest grandbaby in our family, we were all very excited when we heard the news.

Over the next several weeks, we celebrated the good news and dreamed with Mat and Elizabeth about who this child would be.  Then things changed.

I asked Elizabeth if she would be willing to share her story here.  While a miscarriage is something I personally have never experienced, I know many of you have.  I hope Elizabeth's experience will be an encouragement to you.

From Elizabeth:

July 1st was on a Friday. I was eight to nine weeks pregnant.

Tuesday afternoon of the same week, I had been outside working in my garden, pulling weeds and playing catch with my dog. That evening, my husband and I had a date, so I got ready. We went out to dinner and he took me shopping so I would have clothes that weren't as tight fitting for our mission trip to the Dominican Republic (I know he loves me because he hates shopping :) ). That night, I noticed little pink splotches on my eyelids and I thought, 'Oh no! Bug bites."

Wednesday

Well, it turns out I was wrong. In the morning, I woke up with itchy eyes and by the afternoon, half of my face had swelled up and itched like crazy. I also had itchy spots on my arms, legs and stomach. The real cause was poison ivy! I ran to the doctor's office and she looked at my options for treatment, but she felt the risks for prescribing anything for me were too great. She didn't even charge me for a visit. As a result, I spent the rest of my day laying on the couch with calamine lotion on my face, trying to sleep.

Thursday

The next day, was more of the same, but both sides of my face had swelled up and I could barely see. I was concerned because the poison ivy was spreading and getting closer to my right ear. I slept on the couch off and on all day and had ice packs on my face trying to reduce the swelling. My friend, who is a nurse, also recommended Benedryl, so I was taking the recommended doses.

While laying there, I said, "God, you need to talk to me." My rationale was that I couldn't do anything but lay there. He had a captive audience and I was feeling a bit helpless. As I lay there, I saw what looked like a charcoal drawing of a man's hand and as the image moved back, I saw a beautiful baby boy sleeping peacefully in that hand. Then I saw a hand cover the image and pull it away. I was surprised and didn't really know what to make of what I saw.

Around 9:00 that evening the poison ivy had gotten so bad that my husband took me to the emergency room. The doctor felt the risks for me outweighed any other risks so he had a nurse give me a shot of steroids and a shot of Benedryl.

On Thursday or Friday, God gave me the chorus to a song:

                        You have opened my eyes to see

                        The beauty of Your majesty

                        You have opened my ears to hear

                        The songs You sing over me

                        Oh Lord, where else can I go?

                        For You are the fountain of life

                        Lord, what else can I do?

                        But follow You

Friday, July 1st

The next morning, the swelling around my eyes had gone down a bit but I still looked like a pumpkin head and I still didn't have a full range of vision. I spent most of the day sleeping, taking Benedryl, and trying to find remedies for my itching and oozing that would be safe for me and my baby.

By dinnertime I felt pretty energized and I was helping my husband in the kitchen. Again, around 9:00 p.m., I started bleeding. We dropped everything (I grabbed an apple), and we ran out the door. I was trying not to cry because I was afraid my eyes would swell up more and I wouldn't be able to see. We texted key people to ask for prayer. Mat's dad, Lynette, my pastor and his wife, and Eddie and Ann Renee came to see us in the ER as we waited, and waited, and waited. The ultra sound showed no evidence of pregnancy but my hCG count was exactly where it should have been. The doctor said she couldn't say for sure that I'd had a miscarriage and told us that we needed to return on Monday (July 4th) for more blood work to verify if I had truly had a miscarriage.

I spent the weekend sleeping on the couch, taking Benedryl, and putting ice packs on my face. Scriptures also came to mind (Ps. 18, 27, & 32) I felt completely helpless, but I had so much peace. At one point, I had a very strong sense that God was just holding me in His arms. On Monday, we came back to the hospital for the lab tests, and they confirmed I had had a miscarriage. Then we went to the ER because Mat refused to leave until I got treatment for the poison ivy. I got another shot and a prescription.  One of the most challenging things was that I couldn't cry as long as my face was puffy.

July 11th

            God gave me the rest of the song:

                        Looking around at things

                        I just don't understand

                        Yet resting in

                        The palm of Your sovereign hand

                        Wondering how and why

                        Looking up to the sky

                        Knowing that You

                        Make everything beautiful

                        (CHORUS)

                        You have opened my eyes to see

                        The beauty of Your majesty

                        You have opened my ears to hear

                        The songs You sing over me

                        Oh Lord, where else can I go?

                        For You are the fountain of life

                        Lord, what else can I do?

                        But follow You

                        Caught out on stormy seas

                        Walking out on the waves

                        You speak to me

                        A promise that will not fail

                        Lost in the darkest night

                        Reaching out towards the light

                        I call Your name

                        Your Spirit and Truth prevail

                        (CHORUS)

                        You are my hiding place

                        You are my safe refuge

                        I run to You

                        When my world comes crashing down

                        Rescued and set apart

                        You're making me to stand

                        Victorious

                        Over all my enemies

                        (CHORUS)
                        ©Elizabeth Stutzman 2011

Because of all God has done, I don't feel bitter. I am not afraid. I'm not even asking why because I have such peace. I know He is in control. Of course, I have moments when I cry, but all I'm facing is the sadness of the loss. I really have a lot to be thankful for. We were supposed to be going on vacation the next day, so my husband wasn't working and I was in my own town. I could have bled a lot more. I could have lost   twins. I could have lost the baby at eight months. This could have happened during the school year. Instead, I had an amazing church family bring me meals and send nice notes. Mat's family helped out in various ways. AND I experienced God's strength holding me up.

I read Hebrews 11:1 and almost cried.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I know I have a baby on the way. I don't know when, but I could almost shout because I know God has something good on the way and He will use this for His glory :)

Elizabeth worked with the worship team at our church to put her words to music.  Since then, we have begun to use it during praise and worship.


Elizabeth and I would love to hear your stories.   If you've had a miscarriage, please feel free to share what your experiences have been.

You can reach us both at lynettecarpenter@yahoo.com